又到了應該睡覺的時間
今天晚上沒讀到書 敬拜詩歌還沒選 該準備的資料還沒準備
心情一整個糟
快要受不了自己的軟弱無能
星期三, 10月 22, 2008
What is Your will Lord..
The further I walk, the more I realise, the clearer the difference.
If this is not the path I should be on, guide me back to Your way.
If this is not the path I should be on, guide me back to Your way.
弟兄的刺 自己的樑木呢？
要去指責別人的錯是很容易的
我們好像看得好清楚 更覺得他人怎麼沒好好用大腦想一想
為什麼他人總是不能理解如此簡單的邏輯與想法？
但是我們自己的生命呢？
有多少不完全？有多少自私 自以為是 甚至是無知
自以為義 在神眼中也是不完全阿
在大道理上可以打嘴泡 自己的生命呢？
五十步笑百步 在神眼中我們都虧缺了祂的榮耀
神賜給我們智慧 不只是去分辨是非 更是去改變 去反省 來到神面前 一次一次被神更新改變
嚴以律己 寬以待人 謹記
我們好像看得好清楚 更覺得他人怎麼沒好好用大腦想一想
為什麼他人總是不能理解如此簡單的邏輯與想法？
但是我們自己的生命呢？
有多少不完全？有多少自私 自以為是 甚至是無知
自以為義 在神眼中也是不完全阿
在大道理上可以打嘴泡 自己的生命呢？
五十步笑百步 在神眼中我們都虧缺了祂的榮耀
神賜給我們智慧 不只是去分辨是非 更是去改變 去反省 來到神面前 一次一次被神更新改變
嚴以律己 寬以待人 謹記
星期四, 10月 09, 2008
Battle of mind
When the confidence was acted out, one single mistake could just destroy all the efforts I've put in.......
I have no idea what happened but when the doc asked me "what makes up the first and second heart sound?" Suddenly my mind just went blank and there's no thinking process happening...:( Ans. S1= mitral and tricuspid valve closer. S2= aortic and pulmonary valve closer.
What does huge v wave indicate? the doc asked me. BLANK and could not think!!!
Ans. systolic refill thus tricuspid regurgitation!!!
Ever since the first wrong answer, esp the VERY obvious one, it's like a voice in my mind telling me, "How could you possibily miss this kind of ease but IMPORTANT answer? Are you useless? How can you possibily fail this?? How are you going to get good mark with this kind of knowledge?" The barely existent confidence is now totally destroyed. Struggled and struggled, just tried to gather the rest of the mind back....but as this kind of "blank out" happened again and again, it seems that I'm giving up on myself at that moment.
God, please help me and give me the thoughts and determination so that I can stand firm and use any failure as a stepping stone to grow.
Lord, I really feel very very frustrated after so many hours of study. Please give me the strength to carry on and be still in the storm. Help me win this battle of mind and curve Your words into my heart.
I am Your creation and this is the gift and task You have given me. You will ALWAYS ALWAYS provide enough talents and ability to handle these. Your grace is more than enough for me.
Lord, Your are ALWAYS with me and please help me so that I can be a competent doctor who is able to serve Your people, for Your purpose.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
I have no idea what happened but when the doc asked me "what makes up the first and second heart sound?" Suddenly my mind just went blank and there's no thinking process happening...:( Ans. S1= mitral and tricuspid valve closer. S2= aortic and pulmonary valve closer.
What does huge v wave indicate? the doc asked me. BLANK and could not think!!!
Ans. systolic refill thus tricuspid regurgitation!!!
Ever since the first wrong answer, esp the VERY obvious one, it's like a voice in my mind telling me, "How could you possibily miss this kind of ease but IMPORTANT answer? Are you useless? How can you possibily fail this?? How are you going to get good mark with this kind of knowledge?" The barely existent confidence is now totally destroyed. Struggled and struggled, just tried to gather the rest of the mind back....but as this kind of "blank out" happened again and again, it seems that I'm giving up on myself at that moment.
God, please help me and give me the thoughts and determination so that I can stand firm and use any failure as a stepping stone to grow.
Lord, I really feel very very frustrated after so many hours of study. Please give me the strength to carry on and be still in the storm. Help me win this battle of mind and curve Your words into my heart.
I am Your creation and this is the gift and task You have given me. You will ALWAYS ALWAYS provide enough talents and ability to handle these. Your grace is more than enough for me.
Lord, Your are ALWAYS with me and please help me so that I can be a competent doctor who is able to serve Your people, for Your purpose.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
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