EAGLE'S WING

intern log (Gen Med week 6)

2011-05-08T08:51:00.000+10:00

progress notes: >1000
discharge summary: >100, a few to catch up
presentation: 7
mortality: 1--the patient I admit
clinical topics: examination for Parkinson's disease
Thing to improve: notes taking
Overtime: 6:30-10:30 on Thu

highlight: feed a malnourished/delirious patient a whole jar of custard and thickened water. (Patient has not been eating/drinking for the last three months)

Life as an intern

2011-05-08T08:21:00.000+10:00

busy
stressed
being stretched to another level
can be political
MUST work hard

and..have never felt that I need God so badly

When life gets busier, it is hard to remain compassionate. Every complaint, request and even patient him/herself, can be obstacles to sleep, rest and toilet time.

God, can You please teach me how to be a doctor again?

La Masion en Petit Cubes - Part 1

2010-04-17T22:28:00.000+10:00

【補教國文名師】吳岳老師談親情 part 3

2010-04-17T18:49:00.000+10:00

【補教國文名師】吳岳老師談親情 part 2

2010-04-17T18:42:00.001+10:00

【補教國文名師】吳岳老師談親情 part 1

2010-04-17T18:42:00.000+10:00

Help me fix my eyes upon You

2010-04-17T16:33:00.002+10:00

Lord You know my heart and every single thought.
I don't need to justify nor argue for what has happened. You are my witness.
If there's anything I've done has offended You, please reveal to me and make me repent.

Teach me Your way and Your way only. Help me glorify Your name in everything I do.
Whenever I feel like complaining, help me turns that into praises. For You have made everything perfect in our lives to fulfill Your will.

God... have mercy on us

2009-10-26T14:01:00.001+11:00

Lord I feel regretted not to go back on Saturday...not to have chances to saygoodbye....and don't want this to happen again anytime in my life.

Lord....are you going to take his soul? are you going to take care of him? are you going to bring my whole family to you?

Lord....I don't know what to do....I don't know what to say....I really wish to have chance to hold his hands and tell him I love him...and God loves him too.

Lord....why didn't You let me see him again? What's the purpose of all these?

Lord...tell me what I should do...

還是覺得很難過

2009-10-15T10:33:00.000+11:00

這六週在run精神科

每天聽到的都是好多好多令人鼻酸的故事

從小被性侵得厭食症在學被被排擠欺負

開始酗酒用毒繼續被藥頭性侵

被男友虐待

好想做些什麼可是又好像什麼都不能做

想到他們的臉又一陣鼻酸

這個世界為什麼這麼沈重？

God.....can You please help them?......

As a Christian medical student....

2009-09-26T02:23:00.002+10:00

I want to have compassion....
I want to change and help people...
I want to share the gospel....
I wan to tell them...you have a heavenly father who love you and accept you as who you are...
I want to tell them....you have a purpose in this world....a purpose God has given you...
I want to pray for them, hold their hands, hug them and tell them "Jesus loves you and I love you too."

However, as a medical student, I can't. This may be regarded as "crossing the line" or "imposing my belief on others".
I understand that these are all God work, not mine. But God....what do you want me to do as a medical student? How can I have the compassion like You, but also carry on with life..?

You have given me this gift and calling, how should I serve Your people?

sharing and confidentiality

2009-06-16T11:18:00.002+10:00

In an ideal church, people share their struggles, their problems, their joy and thus having true fellowship and grow together in Christ's love.

Why would people enclose their inner beings and get closer and closer? Because they trust each other and know that they are loved without being judged, knowing that they can trust this person without ending up with gossip spread around.

However, I do not find this confidentiality in my church.

Things are spread around. People gossip and tell each other "Do you know this so and so break up with so and so.." "Oh I don't want to end up with so and so with this problem".

And the saddest thing is....even when confronted with "Why are people talking about things that should kept between themselves?" They said, "talking about it is human nature....and sometimes we are not gossipping, we are just caring"

Do you know why patients share their most private problems to the doctor? Because even in the first year of medical school, we are taught again and again in terms of the confidentiality.

Do you know why would alcoholic anonymous work? Because it is ANONYMOUS! People feel the true freedom of telling the group "Hi my name is John and I'm a drug addict and alcoholic!". Instead of being judged, these people embrace each other and truly help each other with the problems.

In the past, I was very naive and simply share whatever in my mind, even my personal life and struggles. This was because God has opened up and "onioin skins"/shell and help me face with lots of things I used to refused to face. However, when knowing what kind of values and things people do, I've made up my mind. I feel sad and disappointed because this is not the church God wanted! In addition, they don't even realise this is wrong! Gossiping about people's lives has revealed the judgemental mentality and how can you expect true fellowship?

God, have mercy on my church. I want to truly love my church . I want to see the church manifest with Your love so that people around can see we are Your children.
However, at the moment I feel that I'm walking into a herd of lions, looking for "material" to "talk about" on dinner table. At the same times, instead of focusing on You alone, I felt stumbled and being hurt again and again. Lord, forgive me if I've offended You in any way. I'd like to ask for guidence and Your eyes towards the church.

balance b/w study and church ministry

2009-05-26T21:26:00.004+10:00

This is the question/struggle I have been having since primary school days.

In primary school, I was struggling between music (piano, double bass, theory, music appreciation, etc), homework, and as a cell group leader.

In high school, I was struggling going to cell groups, youth service and preparing for the entrance exam to senior high school and university.

In university, I was struggling going to cell groups, preparing cell group teaching material, calling cell group members, prayer meeting of the cell groups, prayer meeting of cell group leaders, youth service, study, clubs, and basketball team and things I'd like to learn.

And gradually.....my views towards all these struggles gradually changed.
Now what I'm learning everyday is not JUST study, but the ministry that God has given me. Or I should put it in another way, study IS the ministry that God has given me, just as important as the ministry in the church. Therefore, of course I'd enocourage everyone to serve more in the church, to go to prayer meeting provided that they can manage other aspects of lives.

People always say "Honor God and He will honor you in what you do". However, I don't think this should be the reason to drag people to the "church ministry" and tell them that your grades will be fine because you've honored God. That's NOT true!
While giving out examples of this person still did lots of things in the church while preparing exams and God honor him at the end of giving him great results. Why not talk about people DIDN't get good grades because they are too busy
Here I'm NOT saying not to put God as the first priority but I believe that "church ministry" does not equal to "Honor God" nor "put God as first priority".
I study for God to become a better doctor because this precious opportunity was given from God!
Putting God first means study well for the exams, even if that means I can't go to prayer meeting, cell groups, practicing worship on Saturday.

Of course, there may be times where we do put "grades" above God and there may be time that God wants us to honor Him by serving in the church.

However, I simply want to say "please do not judge people who may need more time in their study. That doesn't mean that they don't honor God !"

Ideas, preferences, beliefs, habits, cultures, traditions DO NOT equal to the truth and principle that God has given us!

This is also a reminder for me till today.

living out a Christain life

2009-05-26T21:16:00.003+10:00

How should I put the principle of God in my life?

-Study well because God is empowering me to become a good doctor, including knowledge, clinical skills, compassion, and good communication skills.

-During patient counter, the wellbeing of the patient should ALWAYS be my priority. NOT my study...even if the patient has good signs.

-When I see doctor/other medical students causing discomfort to the patients, I should have the courage to stop them no matter who they are.

-When possible, help each other to become a better doctors, including knowledge and good beside manner.

-When seeing sth wrong, not only point it out but DO NOT have the sense of self-righteousness.

-When having opportunities to serve the patient, the church, the people around, DO IT!

Do they see Jesus in me? Joy Williams

2009-05-07T16:10:00.002+10:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwiF3HE4cQ8

Battle of mind

2009-04-26T00:15:00.002+10:00

Help me always claim Your promises.
Not just talk about my problems to You, but tell my problems that my God is much bigger than you!!

Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn how to help people. I believe in You and Your grace.

Let the weak say I am strong. Let the poor say I am rich. Your grace is more than sufficient for me.

:)

Purify my heart

2009-04-20T21:20:00.003+10:00

Lord, purify my heart please.
Lord, please give me Your eyes, Your heart and Your compassion.
The more I complain, criticize them, the more I become like them.

I'm sorry Lord....they are also Your children, like me, sinners.

Help me truly live out Your life, as a true followers, with all my mind, all my heart, all my strength.

self-righteousness

2009-04-19T17:24:00.002+10:00

Self-righteousness is a very dangerous thing.
As in the previous blog where I need to keep reminding myself about the differences between right/wrong, beliefs, opinions, thoughts, values, traditions, etc. Somehow it is EXTREMELY easy for us to point a finger on someone and said what you do is wrong, forgetting the fact that what they are wrong may be just "wrong according to my values/opionions/thoughts/or actually......wrong". Before you jump to the conclusion and said, "wait! you can't simply say right/wrong is a relative thing", I want to clarify here that what I'm talking about is not the "obvious wrong things against the principles of God, ie love God, love your neighbors". For example, is abortion wrong? or let me ask you again, is abortion wrong when the girl is raped? or is abortion wrong when the girl who was raped is 10 years old?
or another example:before getting married, is holding hands wrong? is kissing wrong? is hugging wrong? is having sex wrong? is living together wrong? is staying in the same room with or without other people wrong?

How about this one: is judging people wrong? gossipping wrong? spreading gossip wrong? listening to gossip wrong?

And ultimately, when we are pointing finger at someone, or criticizing with other people, we have a tendency to forget about how imperfect we actually are! forget about if not were God's grace, we cannot come close to Him at all! If not were God's grace that provide us resources, family, friends, understanding, how can we possible stand here at the position we are right now?

We can do all the right things, all the "righteous" things but having the sense of self-righteousness is a sin in God's standard! Think about in the Bible, who did Jesus despise? Pharisee! Those who don't even know how much pride and self-righteousness in their minds but busy "doing the right thing"!

Why am I seeing pharisees in our church rather than Christ-followers? Why do they easily take someone out and pin them on the cross? Why do they always pick on someone and keep stoning them?
And the most scary thing is may be sometimes I'm one of them!

What is the point of doing 1 month to live, what's the point of going to easter camp, what's the point of going to cell group? when what they do is the contrary to what they believe?

講台上講的大都是對的做的卻是錯的

上行下效 how can we grow? how can we even proudly say we are God's people?

Lord....have mercy on us.
I am imperfect. I am little, I am hyptocrites sometimes. Sometimes I don't even realise I've gone against You.
Lord help me become more and more like You. Help me see things in Your eyes, not in my sinful eyes, biased by my own flesh.

wish list

2009-04-08T21:29:00.002+10:00

-get high marks in sem9 exam: 1 OSCE practice/wk, 1 long case/wk, 1 short case/day with someone that can encourage when feeling slacking off or tired. we can practice together and share cases and push each other in learning.

-someone can understand my feelings and need, with me saying AND without me saying. Recently I can really identify what a Broca dysphasia patients feel like----no one under what I'm trying to get. and it's highly likely that it is me that having the problems of expressing ideas.

-someone that can inspire and encorage in terms of the walk with God. From the light from the verse in the Bible, from counting blessings around, from willing to share and listen.

-someone to share and pray with. someone to encourage the pursuits of our dreams.

-someone that can respect me, including opinions, thoughts, beliefs, etc...respect me as a person.

May be....at the end, there's only God and me and my life/dream

所以我們不可再彼此論斷，寧可定意，誰也不給弟兄放下絆腳跌人之物

2009-04-07T19:55:00.004+10:00

主意
想法
意見
偏好
信念
信仰
這些都是不同的東西
但是有時候我們很不小心就把意見提升到信仰 which is wrong...

聖經上說我們需要將我們的信念和信仰建立在愛的律法上，因為愛就完全的律法Romans 13:8-10, Gal 5:14; James 2:8
求神幫主我不要把意見強加於人唯有你能叫人心知罪
願他人能從我神上學到你的愛而不是我的軟弱
求主幫助

20/03/09 Fri Week 6 of GI

2009-03-20T20:04:00.002+11:00

Morning:
-2 cannulations---remember to adjust the position of the hand on 22G needle so that the flush back can be seen, remember to press at the end of the cannula after inserting! (today I pressed on the head and made a mess! :p )
-saw a patient with advanced Rheumatoid arthritis --＞ should revise RA...and hand exam, the patient also has a Ganglion cyst (the Bible bump).
-examine a VRE patient with decompensated chronic liver disease and chronic renal failure due to type II hepatorenal syndrome. He is not feeling very well but kindly let us had a look.

-Tute with Le Page:
1. DDx for painless jaundice---malignancy of the head of the pancreas
2. inguinalscrotal swelling: chronic---testicle(testicular tumour), epididymas( cysts of the epididymis, epididymo-orchitis), tunica vaginalis (hydrocoele, haematocoele), spermatic cord(hydrocoele of the spermatic cord)

-Examine a patient with swollen testis....this is the first time for me to examine a testis. There's a 2 cm firm mass and I couldn't appreciate the the underlying structure. The patient is very kind and willing to let us have a feel.

-GI meeting with lunch~ Thank God and GI department for the great food!
hepatorenal syndrome: Type I acute(rapidly rising serum creatinine and very poor prognosis) and type II chronic(slowly progressive deterioration). It's a functional renal failure due to extensive vasodilatation from advanced liver disease on a setting of ascites and hyponatraemia. It may be precipitated by infection (esp spontaneous bacterial peritonitis), diuretics, nephrotoxic drugs, GI bleeding or large-volume paracentesis.
Mx: monitor diuretic use and stop if hyponatraemia or renal impairment develops. IV albumin if undergoing large-volume paracentesis. Cirrhotic patients with GI bleed should be given prophylactic antibiotics. Nephrotoxic drugs(aminoglycosides, NSAID) should be avoided
-correct hypovolaemia and precipitants.
-if fail to improve---terlipressin(vasopressin analog which insert more aquaporin to reabsorb more water) AND albumin

Afternoon:
PBL-colorectal cancer and haemorroids
ECG tute-may need to revise the basic again and go the lecture nxt see whether I can do thoses correctly
Renal revision-acute and chronic renal failure! great revision

End of block party---great to relax and play table tennis!!! so fun!

Plan for the weekend:
1. revise RA
2. FBE, coag, U/E, LFT, TFT
3. AF, CCF, IHD, Cholesterol and obesity as topics!
4. GI final revision
5. Sunday---long case presentation, do another case. Print revision notes for neuro, renal
6. Neuro Exam!!!!! Neuro basic knowledge revision.
7. Last week respiratory topics: Asthma, COPD, DVT/PE
(sounds a bit ambitious, let's see how many can be achieved)

today's patient Mon Week 6 of Gastro block...

2009-03-16T22:44:00.002+11:00

morning in liver clinic: Hep C medication follow up, responds to treatment(liver enzyme level does not mean the virus is cleared; viral load is cleared patient may still have elevated liver enzymes), Hep B (Pt from china with an interpreter with her own opinion in interpretation, which is bad...), haemochromotosis (Pt with active Hep C had increased Iron, 100% satuaration, increased ferritin whose mother has recently been diagnosed with haemochromotosis too)

12:30pm: Claire's session on FBE, U/E, asthma, DVT/PE, COPD, smoking cessation and medication adherence. ( realised need to learn FBE and DDx, anaemia and consolidate the DDx for U/E. Need to know those topics back to front, practice the questions Clarie asked today:
-COPD: what is the role of pulmonary rehab? What is the role of surgery in COPD? What is your understanding of nutrition in Pt with COPD? What is the role of immunisation?
-Asthma: Please instruct/assess the patient in terms of using inhalers
-DDx for primary hypothyroidism: hashimoto disease, medication (amiodarone, Tx of thyrotoxicosis, lithium), thyroiditis, (then iodine deficiency, etc). Mx: Hx(fHx, medication, infection, Sx), Test(thyroid antibody)
-hyperthyroidism
*DDx for with low TSH and High FT4 and 3: graves' disease, toxic multinodular goitre, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, thyroiditis, Meds (thyroxine, amiodarone)
*Mx: ultrasound of the neck, looking for malignancy, THEN iodine uptake scan

Afternoon saw 2 cardio patients:
1. 78 y/0 gentlement presented with syncope yesterday and atril flutter on ECG on a background of T2DM, previous heart attack, HTN and hyperlipidaemia.
On inspection, he's an obese, pale looking gentlement lying in bed with mild tachypnoea (22 /min), having normal saline infusion. Obs: BP 150/90, afebrile, Sat 90%RA, PR 60/min.
Apex beat could not be appreciated due to obesity. Soft S1S2 with a very soft ejection systole murmur. No peripheral oedema but absent peripheral pulses. Loss of sensation on both legs up to the knee, with multiple lesions/ulcers and fungal infections?.
A brief Hx was taken. The Pt loss consciousness on the way to the toilet and could not recall the symptoms before the syncope. The patient has had silent inferior myocardio infarction ? years ago.
Meds: insulin, mixtard, atrovstatin (lipertor), clavicil,
The interview was stopped because the Pt would like to rest. May go back and talk to him tmr.

2. 34 y/0 5 wk postpartum lady presented with syncope on a back ground of potential 14 yrs Hx of palpitations and rapid heart beats and 3 yrs Hx of anxiety and panic attacks.

Last Thu, after feeling rapid heart beats, dizziness she loss consiousness for about 1 min. The similar event occured again and her husband noticed her faces turned pale before she passed out.
At the age of 20, she noticed these tachycardic episodes occured, various in frequency. 3 yrs ago, she as diagnosed with anxiety and panic attack associated with hot flush and palpitatoins, relieved by breathing technique. However, the rapid heart beats episodes seem to be consistant and not relived by the breathing technique.
There's no particular trigger for the tachycardia. The Pt reported that the beats were so fast that she couldn't tell whether it's regular or irregular and she couldn't tap out the beats. There is an increased in no. of tachycardia events during her second pregnancy. She drinks 2-3 cups of coffee a day and does not notice any association b/w the episodes and coffee. There's no recent infection, no family Hx of similar problems nor any significant health issues, no previous Hx of heart, thyroid problems and anaemia. She has never smoked and drank occasionally. She is currently on Halter moniter.
ECG: SVT with abrency? VT? to be confirmed......

4:00 CPC: lump in the nect and salivary tumour
most common salivary tumour is mucoepidermal carcinoma....

5:00 metabolic bone disease: bisphosphonate, PTH for oesteoporosis. oesteomalacia and Rickett's, Paget's disease (use bisphosphonate to slow down the bone turnover).

視病猶親視病猶師

2009-02-26T18:46:00.002+11:00

一位應是希臘來的老太太因為ｃ型肝炎造成乾硬化導致功能上的退化

前兩天剛從出院兩天後又因為先生無法扶她站起來進了急診室

在澳洲的醫院語言不是很通順醫師只能聽懂一兩成她所講的英語

醫病雙方都很挫折

這一次醫療團隊問過她的兩個女兒以及先生了解到家人無法照顧她因此要安排進養護中心

老太太聽到後反應很大

直說“I go no where! I want to go home! I go no where!“

醫師試著解說後轉頭跟住院醫師交代“記得請他的女兒好好勸她“ 而此時老太太仍然很激動

不斷叫我不要走我不要去我要回家！

當下看了實在很難過不只是為著現實的無奈也為著醫師對她的態度

我知道我們以後工作忙事情多對於這種事除了安排社工跟家屬溝通我們也真的愛莫能助

但是對於病人最起碼的尊重不一定是要花長時間安慰最起碼能多一點點體諒

體諒病人的挫折難過無法接受的情緒

今天如果是自己的親人就算我們愛莫能助也不會無視於病人的存在轉頭下醫囑

今天病人就像每一位病人的老師教導醫師對於疾病對於溝通對於全人的關懷所該具備的知識能力和態度

親人老師都是要抱著尊敬關懷感恩的心去面對

就算是一個陌生人也會有最起碼的尊重

在醫學知識的累積下難道這些基本的相處之道基本的關懷都要蕩然無存？

那醫師除了“完成工作“ “不要被告“之外還剩下什麼？

在批評台灣藐視人性之餘我們對於病人又有多好的見解？

台灣的醫療

2009-01-16T03:33:00.003+11:00

先說這是我個人的感受而非對台灣醫生的攻擊可能是些抱怨也只是想給台灣醫生的提醒
當然台灣醫師的困境我只能試著了解但是在困境之中醫學的本質在哪裡？

在ptt與其他醫生/醫學生對於外婆目前狀況的討論還有與醫院醫師的討論

發現台灣對於病人的尊嚴對生命的尊重真的很缺乏

當然這有可能是在不健全的法律下產生的結果

但是就像跟澳洲醫師討論時對方回我的 “國情不同病人的尊嚴沒有不同！！“

若不是跟醫師提 palliative care and dignity 根本就不會出現在病情討論中

無論家屬接受度如何起碼也要從“educate“開始嗎？

而不是單單只說可能要氣切要插管要換導管這根管子要重插

所謂“安寧的標準“是因為法律定的？社會定的？家屬的感覺？還是病人自己的感受？？

全人的醫療台灣離這個標準好遠

仍然停在治“病“ 而不是治“人“ 不是只用法律不全醫師無保障就能當藉口的吧

醫師的角色是教育者溝通者是為病人發聲幫助家屬走過這個要求在台灣是無法存在嗎？還

是醫學教育根本沒作好？

積極的態度摘自週報

2009-01-01T11:56:00.002+11:00

抱怨是複習過去的挫折，只引發現現今更多沮喪；感恩是尋找逆境的祝福，帶來今日充沛的活力

抱怨是論斷人的弱點，浪費時間於消極不合作；感恩是欣賞別人的長處，投資時間於創造雙贏。

抱怨是嘆息環境險阻，咒詛時不我予的厄運；感恩是順著環境的情勢，尋找意外的驚喜

抱怨是注意負面事實，鈍化解決問題的創造力；感恩是相信神的美意，活化捕捉機會的靈敏度。

與你我共勉之～

加油！

2008-12-01T11:05:00.003+11:00

我沒有動人心弦的字句也不太會說安慰人的話

無論你是難過是生氣是無法放手是無法原諒

無論你有什麼情緒相信神他都知道都明瞭

相信神都會給你力量給你夠用的恩典繼續走下去

God says No

2008-11-30T14:25:00.002+11:00

from 飛揚雜誌

我求神拿走我的驕傲神說不
祂說驕傲不是由祂拿走乃是要我放下
我求神賜給我忍耐神說不
祂說忍耐是從患難而生由磨練而來不是賜下的

我求神給我快樂神說不
祂說祂賜祝福是否快樂取決於我

我求神使我靈命長進神說不
祂說我自己必須付出努力但祂會把我修剪乾淨好結果子

我求神幫助我愛人如同祂愛我一樣神說阿你終於明白了

台北市立圖書館電子書

2008-11-25T23:02:00.000+11:00

台北市立圖書館買斷遠景出版事業公司所出版有關文學類（含中西文學）、歷史類

、小說類、藝術類、傳奇類、傳記類等通俗書籍電子書，沒有同時使用人數的限制，提

供內文的全文檢索，可在網頁上直接顯示、列印或下載全文，亦提供全文PDF檔。（即使

你不是台北人，也可以申請北市圖借書證，請參閱「住外縣市怎麼辦台北市立圖書館借

書證？http://tinyurl.com/68b3tz」）

　　可供閱讀下載的書目http://readforjoy.blogspot.com/2008/11/christie.html

目的是否能為手段辯護？

2008-11-08T22:55:00.002+11:00

如果這是唯一能達到目的的手段
如果這是最有效的手段
到底能不能“不擇手段“來達到目的？

絕對的道德標準？真的是絕對？
聖經中喇合說謊保住探子的性命
法國革命
推翻滿清
血鑚石中為求生存為了家人的拚命
而今天如何讓政府聽見民眾聲音的方式
甚至現今司法上“污點證人“的運用原則

hm....I don't know again...

A sentence that can summerise my conflicts.

2008-11-08T11:15:00.003+11:00

From Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey

"Sometimes I feel like the most liberal person among conservatives, and sometimes like the most conservative among liberals. How can I fit together my religious past with my spiritual present?"

台灣的民主自由還存在嗎？

2008-11-05T23:12:00.002+11:00

最近陳雲林來台抗議的民眾被警察包圍逮捕
不只是抗議的民眾播“台灣之歌“的唱片行被強行阻止
拿著中華民國國旗的學生被拉斷手指
穿著“恁爸係台灣人“的T-shirt會被警察推去撞牆
（相關報導請看http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=TEfO3a7SNHc, http://feedcatcher.blogspot.com/2008/11/blog-post_03.html, http://blog.roodo.com/subing/archives/7497517.html）

諷刺的是舉著五星旗的“中國統一促進會“民眾竟然一點事也沒有？

從白色恐怖戒嚴到民選總統的今天
以往可以驕傲的跟國外的同學說的我們台灣有言論自由台灣是自由民主的國家等等

這次的事件好像打了我一巴掌憤怒震驚痛心
台灣是我的家鄉是我所愛的土地
台灣的民主是建立在許許多多人的心血努力甚至生命的犧牲上
台灣的自由是經過多少人的爭取？
馬英九先生（請恕我叫不出總統這兩個字因為你不是真正為中華民國台灣服務）
從中國毒奶事件
到今天的警察對自己國家的人民動手
你拍中國的馬屁也未免拍的太大了點
你把台灣之所以是台灣的驕傲當成什麼？？
你要我們身為中華民國國民情何以堪？？

我知道我文筆不好
但看到自己國家被人這樣糟蹋我卻什麼都不能做
真的好難過

民有民治民享
台灣的治理人阿你是為自己？還是為台灣的人民打拼阿？
人民的公僕？對你來講只是一個口號嗎？
你到底是大陸人還是台灣人阿？

煩

2008-10-22T23:15:00.003+11:00

又到了應該睡覺的時間

今天晚上沒讀到書敬拜詩歌還沒選該準備的資料還沒準備

心情一整個糟

快要受不了自己的軟弱無能

Priority

2008-10-22T23:12:00.002+11:00

Lord, please help me get the priority right. There is no time can be wasted.

However, the slack side is chasing me down. Help me make the right decision, say the right thing and be able to fulfill Your will.

What is Your will Lord..

2008-10-22T23:08:00.002+11:00

The further I walk, the more I realise, the clearer the difference.

If this is not the path I should be on, guide me back to Your way.

弟兄的刺自己的樑木呢？

2008-10-22T22:57:00.002+11:00

要去指責別人的錯是很容易的
我們好像看得好清楚更覺得他人怎麼沒好好用大腦想一想
為什麼他人總是不能理解如此簡單的邏輯與想法？

但是我們自己的生命呢？
有多少不完全？有多少自私自以為是甚至是無知
自以為義在神眼中也是不完全阿

在大道理上可以打嘴泡自己的生命呢？
五十步笑百步在神眼中我們都虧缺了祂的榮耀

神賜給我們智慧不只是去分辨是非更是去改變去反省來到神面前一次一次被神更新改變
嚴以律己寬以待人謹記

Battle of mind

2008-10-09T23:17:00.002+11:00

When the confidence was acted out, one single mistake could just destroy all the efforts I've put in.......

I have no idea what happened but when the doc asked me "what makes up the first and second heart sound?" Suddenly my mind just went blank and there's no thinking process happening...:( Ans. S1= mitral and tricuspid valve closer. S2= aortic and pulmonary valve closer.

What does huge v wave indicate? the doc asked me. BLANK and could not think!!!
Ans. systolic refill thus tricuspid regurgitation!!!

Ever since the first wrong answer, esp the VERY obvious one, it's like a voice in my mind telling me, "How could you possibily miss this kind of ease but IMPORTANT answer? Are you useless? How can you possibily fail this?? How are you going to get good mark with this kind of knowledge?" The barely existent confidence is now totally destroyed. Struggled and struggled, just tried to gather the rest of the mind back....but as this kind of "blank out" happened again and again, it seems that I'm giving up on myself at that moment.

God, please help me and give me the thoughts and determination so that I can stand firm and use any failure as a stepping stone to grow.

Lord, I really feel very very frustrated after so many hours of study. Please give me the strength to carry on and be still in the storm. Help me win this battle of mind and curve Your words into my heart.

I am Your creation and this is the gift and task You have given me. You will ALWAYS ALWAYS provide enough talents and ability to handle these. Your grace is more than enough for me.

Lord, Your are ALWAYS with me and please help me so that I can be a competent doctor who is able to serve Your people, for Your purpose.

In Jesus' Name, Amen

stressed....

2008-04-29T11:13:00.002+10:00

stressed....

I have been slacking too much.

Today I've checked my eligibility to apply for PR. On the AIMS website, I've noticed that AMS degree from Melb Uni is not under the accredited degree. I was shocked. Does that mean I'll have to sit the "medical scientist" exam? >< I don't know....
Not only that, I'll have to score more than 7 in IELTS exam....

As for AMS, I haven't handed in the draft ><
ok...now i have to list the things needed to do:

1.Check with Linda about how to apply for PR after AMS and preparation.--> waiting for her reply...

2. Write thesis plan first and send to Michelle and then start rewriting my lit review and method. --> have to be done by this week

3. Next week. I'll have to analyse my results and start writing results and discussion.

AMS is going to finish within 3 weeks, but there are so much to do still...><

God...would you please strengthen me?

使命責任

2008-04-21T01:35:00.002+10:00

每天忙忙碌碌為著食衣住行奔波
每天庸庸擾擾為著該盡的責任勞心勞力

為自己的未來預備為一切一切計畫打拼
AMS migration clinical internship specialty training etc

突然好懷念以前跟著佳韻戰友們衝鋒陷陣的充實日子
好想年輕熱血沒有包袱的瘋狂
好想單純愛神服事傳福音禱告
好像看著自己生長的土地復興更想一同參與

神卻給了另一條路

一條孤單沈重的道路

一個人走在曠野走
要走多久我不知道

神你的計畫是什麼？你要我如何好好預備自己？
價值觀神學觀的衝擊下答案在哪裡？

生命的功課戒慎恐懼如履薄冰
有時又想逃避只想單純的躺在床上翻滾只想睡一下下

以前的朋友都在改變更感到世界的不同

吶喊若沒有可聽的耳還能傳到何處？
尋道之路若沒有答案還能走得多堅定？
使命若沒有同心的夥伴還能堅持多久？

我仍要仰望你的聖殿

2008-04-15T07:42:00.002+10:00

http://www.llc.org.tw/DBible2/index.php?RDate=2008/4/15 每日靈修禱讀

約拿書二3~4

海深處中的約拿：
約拿現在所描述的是他在大海中間的經歷，我們中間可能也有人遭遇過幾乎滅頂的經歷，那就是約拿所描述的「大水環繞、洪濤漫過」。

仰望神聖殿的約拿：
在海的最深處，約拿向高處仰望，他仰望的是在耶路撒冷有形的聖殿嗎？可能是，但事實上他已經歷神在遍地的掌權，他應深深的體會，耶和華的聖所其實是在天上，他不需要進入聖殿也可尋求神，他在深海中一樣可以尋求神。當他自覺由神的面前驅逐落入如此的苦境時，他的信仰堅持他來尋求神的面。

我曾否在無法控制的情況中尋求神的面？我的神如何回應我？
親愛的主，即便我感覺被你所逐，我還是可以像約拿一樣來尋求你的面，無論在何處，當我尋求的時候，你在你天上的聖所中垂聽我的呼求，容我尋得到你的面。
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神
求你幫助我把一切完全交托給祢仰望祢
求你為我造一顆清潔的心使我裡面重新有正直的靈
在面對壓力挫折負面情緒以及想法的時候
求你給我力量成為你的樣式
在波濤漫過我身時我仍要仰望你的聖殿緊緊抓住你
謝謝祢把好多的祝福放在周圍
謝謝祢你的恩典夠我用

禱告事奉耶穌基督寶貴的聖名

阿們

該做的事

2008-03-25T10:16:00.001+11:00

Immunohistochemistry work out -->staining --> counting
ELISA
Thesis!!!!
IELTS!!
PREPARE CLINICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

馬太福音廿六47~56

2008-03-25T09:56:00.002+11:00

from http://www.llc.org.tw/DBible2/

三、真愛與真勇──耶穌

1.真愛：

（1）主接受猶大的親嘴（49節）：主以真愛來對待虛假的愛。

（2）主稱猶大為朋友（50節）：主沒有罵猶大為「畜生」，主以真愛的友情來對待虛假的友情。

（3）主命彼得收刀（52節）：主沒有責備彼得砍不準，更沒有鼓勵他繼續動刀，祂以真愛來對待那群拿「刀棒」的人（47節）。

（4）主醫治仇敵──大祭司僕人的耳朵。

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每當朋友或是信任的人讓我們失望時
看到這邊真的讓我們看到耶穌的愛好偉大好無私 unconditional!
朋友背叛中傷我可以張開雙手再一次敞開嗎？好難

I'm angry/annoyed/frustrated @#($&@#%&^%&^

2008-03-19T17:25:00.002+11:00

Why do I have to clean up/ fix someone else mess?
Why do I have to wait for someone to clean up so that I can actually start my experiment? Why do I need to wait for someone else to do sth BEFORE cleaning up his/her mess?

My time is not time? not valuable at all??

I'm just very frustrated at the moment...

Quoted from "p.s. I love you"

2008-01-25T22:57:00.000+11:00

So now, alone or not, you’ve got to walk ahead. The thing to remember is, if we’re all alone, then we’re all together in that too.

教會我們不也應該站出來？

2007-11-23T01:13:00.000+11:00

同志婚姻墮胎等有爭議的議題

教會都公開表明立場也動用基督徒立法委員在國會施力

以下如此不公義的事件

我們是不是也該盡一份心

別只是抱怨打嘴砲

我們不能讓如此不公義的事件發生在我們的國家！

串連抗議」人民的哭泣：民主已死，特權當道。

2007-11-23T01:10:00.000+11:00

日前由PTT的網友爆料，以手機偷拍影片上傳至網站，所以新
聞報導才指出台中市議會「吳春夏」、「陳清景」、「鄭功進
」等議員帶人看霸王球，還厚顏無恥的推說是做「選民服務」
。其中「陳清景」甚至動手推人，同行友人還對工作人員嗆聲
。

隔了數天後，情況卻完全變了個模樣。反倒是棒球協會與市府
"檢討溝通"後，發現誤會居多。只是影片就擺在眼前，內容很
明顯的就是議員擅用特權，藐視公權力，有什麼好誤會的？帶
人看霸王球是不爭的事實，但協會和議員卻能睜眼說瞎話，似
乎當事時不存在著樣子。甚至本末倒置還有議員要棒球協會道
歉！！

原本說要嚴加懲戒的市議會、市長、副市長現在也都不知道跑
到那邊去了。原本證據確鑿的事情，如今居然可以整個翻盤。
甚至連當初勇敢站出來解釋的當事人，都因為東森電視台的疏
忽而飽受各方的壓力。

搓個湯圓，白的可以變成黑的，黑的可以變成白的！？

試問，台灣的民主何在？公理何在？清廉何在？

試問，那些選舉打著反特權的候選人，你們又在哪裡？

試問，為什麼爆料說真話，有影片作證還要擔心變成消波塊？

試問，為什麼人民的公僕做錯了事情，擔心害怕的卻是人民？

親愛的總統，親愛的台灣人，親愛的各位，我想請問你們

我真的真的想請問你們

為什麼在這片稱做民主的主地上，這片稱做福爾摩沙民主的寶島上

老百姓的聲音不被當聲音，人民的憤怒不被當憤怒；

媒體可以任意炒作斷章取義沒有事情；
議員立委犯錯後還可以大聲嚷嚷說我沒錯，這是選民服務；

但老百姓卻要成天受怕爆料後被不明人士的恐嚇，

擔心阻擋了誰的利益，擔心阻擋了誰的選票。

有冤不能申，有屈不能平，真話講不得，只能肚裡吞，這…原來…

原來就是…我們所熱愛的台灣嗎！？
-------

本文歡迎有志對這個社會抗議著，任意轉載到自己部落格上

每多一篇，便是一個力量...

補上影片連結：
http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=1OD3uvNBkRU&feature=related

http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=vxEkYw3oT8E

Christians, "we all have weakness" is not an excuse.

2007-11-18T23:45:00.000+11:00

When you proudly claimed "I'm a christian", do you truly reflect Jesus?
When you claimed "I serve in church", does that make you a "better" Christian?

Do we really love people as God does?
or do we just love those who are loveable? those who "you" want to love?
Do we truly care about each other? or do we just live in the world which we selectively include?

Do we cling onto what we "choose" to believe so hard, even more than caring what God feels?

Is evolution the evolution in our understanding?
Is homosexual the homosexual we know?
Is love the love in our mouth?
Is Christian the Christian who truly follows Jesus?

神所看重＝我們的期待？

2007-11-08T21:21:00.000+11:00

節錄自無語問上帝楊腓力 Disappointment With God by Philip Yancey

信心、赦罪、敵檔惡勢力，才是驅使耶穌每天在天賦面前所迫切祈禱的。而群眾相對的只想對這些世上的貧窮、疾病、受政治壓榨等難題，要求耶穌解決。以致於最後的結果，期待耶穌為王的人只有大失所望。世世代代以來，這種情況依然沒有改變：我知道許多事工只強調身體的醫治和物質的富庶，卻很少關心耶穌所重視的：人心的驕傲、假冒偽善、律法主義等更內在的問題。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

有多少次當大家興奮的講述神蹟奇事，講到神如何如何親自顯現、親自說話，心中不由自主會問為什麼人家有我就沒有？總希望哪一天'我'也可以分享神如何奇妙的做什麼事

澳幣快降
給我一份工作
讓我記憶力好一點聰明一點

不是說要向神隱藏我的需要，而是我有沒有真正看到神的心意？
也許哪一天，我在台上講的不是神如何神奇的賜下一份適合的工作。而是在這過程中學會真正的交託與放手。
也許哪一天，不是告訴大家澳幣神奇的降下來，或我現在讀書事半功倍，而是在低谷經過學會信靠，真正知道什麼是神的信實。

若生在耶穌的時代，我們是期待耶穌施展神蹟叫所有人不得不信：像是直接向比拉多顯現、在眾目睽睽之下從十架下來等等。還是學習耶穌的樣式，瞭解救恩與神的國真正的意義？

願你裂天而降
降臨這地降臨萬國萬邦

不以我們的期待而是照你的方式與計畫

澳幣又漲了

2007-10-15T02:24:00.000+10:00

快要破三十！

神阿求你給我個工作吧 ><

承受

2007-09-30T22:49:00.000+10:00

一再一再重複

重量絲毫不減

不同的是

只能一個人面對的覺悟

The response to "the purpose of Tcell forum"

2007-09-13T00:46:00.000+10:00

I truly wish we can stop using double standard in "juding" people but to choose to see them from God's eyes. This is something I have to keep learning.

====================================================================================================
God has made every individual differently and that's why there are different "strength and weakness" aspects in the walk with God. Some likes songs, some like talking to different people, some like Bible reading, some like the worship session, some like the sermon, some like debate, some like sharing, some like thinking and observing. Therefore I thought this is a place that allow all kinds of people to have fellowship, whereby sharing, discussing, joking, etc. And that is why we have different topics. Some are "light" hearted and some are "heavy"(?) Some have answers some do not; some are interesting to some people while some are not. However, this DID allow people who have different interests, different opinions and understanding to discuss freely. (Also allow those who are not interested in forum to stay silent?) And this is why under certain topics, there will be different groups of people posting. By allowing the variety, different members are allowed to grow in different ways.

Who will say Paul's arguments are not edifying and faith-building but proud and too intellectual? Who will ask Calvin, Edwards, Martin Luther, Wright etc not to debate or write down their understanding even though they may not agree with each other? It is out of these processes where we now can distinguish the differences b/w Christianity and Jewism, Christianity and other "cults". Not trying to exalt arguments themselves but God DID allow them to exist and DID choose to use them. By saying this, I have no intention to compare our arguments with those giants but to point out the different paths God has given to different people to grow and get close to Him. And no one but God to judge and examine the intention behind each line. What we can do is to ask God to examine ourselves and take away anything that's not pleasing HIM, but not people.

Therefore, if these "heavy hearted" discussions are out of truth-seeking and sharing of different understanding, why can't they be faith-building? And how are we going to claim that the light hearted discussion are edifying?

In addition, many of the discussions are not after a certain standard answer but a different perspective from a variety of people. That is to say, those who do not want to write can always talk; those who do not want to talk can always write; those who want to answer can always join; those who do not have time for long discussion can always be not obligated to explain. Maybe we are not good enough to answer every single questions properly. But does addressing the questions have no value at all?

The above opinions are not trying to attack any single thought or authority, but just simply expressing my point of views. Having different opinions does not mean I don't respect or love the leaders. It is out of love that I'd like to be honest with all of you rather than simply say sth you'd like to listen. I understand that I did not join many discussions but i do cherish the freedom to choose when and what to talk. If the hosts have decided that only light hearted issues are to be addressed and only certain views or "stands" are to be allowed in this forum, I'll follow the decision. Please forgive my bad ability in expressing my views in English.(so if any of the words are not apropriate, pls let me know since this is just the words I could find atm...><)

小牧童說故事(274)∼短恨歌施以諾

2007-09-11T21:37:00.000+10:00

前一陣子，天韻詩班把已故作家杏林子生前的著作《生之頌》中的文字給編成歌曲，製成CD專輯【把愛留下】。

杏林子早年曾以《生之歌》一書榮獲香港湯清文藝獎，《生之頌》則一向被視為該本得獎書的姊妹作，甚至更為細膩、感人。

《生之頌》裡有一篇名為「寬恕的功課」的短文，被節錄成為詩歌【寬恕】的歌詞，內文為：
「主啊！我做不到，他們得罪虧欠我，要我原諒？我做不到；
主啊！我做不到，他們不斷傷害我，要我忘掉？我做不到。」
「但是我忘了，主啊！我也曾如此對祢，
背棄祢，否認祢，遠離祢，祢都依然愛我。」
「主啊！我願意，我願意寬恕那傷害我的人，因為祢先寬恕我。」

雖然這段收錄在《生之頌》一書中的文字我早已拜讀過，但再由天韻團隊配上旋律後歌詠之，卻又多了一份不同的味道。

.
.

可不是嗎？人非聖賢，豈能無「恨」？然而，杏林子在此段文字中所分享的思考方式，往往可有效地助人縮短發怒的時間，並讓大部份的恨意在更短的時間內消逝。是以，我常暱稱這首【寬恕】為「短恨歌」！意即一首幫助人縮短發怒時間與恨意的詩歌，我認為它比當年李白的「長恨歌」更值得現代人傳頌，對現代人的心理健康也更有益。

希望您也會喜歡這首「短恨歌」所教導我們的情緒管理方式，面對那些令我們咬牙切齒的人時，學習饒恕人的過犯，如同天父總是饒恕我們的過犯一樣。

【上帝的小叮嚀】
你們饒恕人的過犯，你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯。（太6:14）

對不起

2007-08-01T00:39:00.000+10:00

每次都是讓你接收我莫名其妙的情緒
每次都在原本可以好好溝通的點上發飆
我的不成熟血氣不耐煩把家人視為理所當然自我中心
一直都被你默默承受
對不起...

20070730

2007-07-30T23:16:00.000+10:00

又一場自信心的挑戰....
當對方聽不懂我講的英文不由自主開始緊張開始mumbling...
當對方不只是糾正而是嘲笑心裡有點過
當對方批評電腦知識啦英文啦專業知識等等真的心裡覺得...下次寧可不要問自己慢慢找答案算了
想想其實也是自己要多加油了
少說多做吧

加油讀論文！！！

2007-07-28T12:26:00.000+10:00

Literature review outline---due on Mon
Ethics assignment----due on next Mon
Literature review----due on next next MON!!!!!!!!

速度好慢提不起勁（所以才在這邊閒晃=.=||）
好啦等下三點還有敬拜團練習
只剩下兩個小時了加油阿！
今天至少要讀完三篇review..!!!! 結束axonal pathology after CNS damage!!

2007-07-28T11:37:00.001+10:00

發洩文

2007-07-14T14:15:00.000+10:00

最喜歡的外套沾到了油漆原以為是water paint很容易清理掉
試了好久用了熱水, stain remover, washing machine, 加上不斷努力的搓揉還是看得到痕跡
frustrated.....

回到書桌前腳不小心撞到printer 結果放紙的延伸蓋被我碰斷了
應該沒有辦法修吧.....
frustrated......

心裡積了一堆的想法不滿應該要溝通的事物在害怕沒有人會了解的恐懼下
全吞了回去只能鎖在無人的世界傷害身邊的人
frustrated....

法國醫師日報：台灣加入世衛是場外交長征

2007-05-11T00:22:00.000+10:00

法國一份醫藥界刊物9日報導，台灣因為不是世界衛生組織的一員，如果遇到國際性傳染病，無法受惠於國際間分配疫苗和治療藥物的機制，凸顯台灣連續10年爭取加入世衛組織不成，著實是一場「外交長征」。

　　世界衛生大會即將在日內瓦召開前夕，法國「醫師日報」9日以四頁篇幅專輯報導「台灣爭取加入世衛組織，一場外交長征」，指出台灣身為世界第16名經濟強權，卻持續被拒於國際醫療互助體系之外。

　　醫師日報派遣記者實地到台灣瞭解醫藥發展現況，報導呈現傳統中醫在台灣有一定地位，約15%的人口持續諮詢中醫。台灣訓練眾多年輕醫師，他們經過7年學院課程和6年專業分科訓練，競爭激烈。

　　報導說，在台灣，平均每660個居民擁有一名醫師，醫療資源充足，國人平均壽命水平媲美西方國家：女性79歲、男性74歲。台灣實際參與國際救援工作等。

　　報導又指出，台灣在2003年獨自面對處理嚴重急性呼吸道症候群(SARS)的狀況。台灣因為不是世界衛生組織的一員，遇到國際性傳染病，無法受惠於國際間分配疫苗和治療藥物的機制。以預防人類感染禽流感一例，台灣目前只得以自立的方式，將攸關人命的問題擺在首要位置，暫時將專利權問題放一邊，自行研製克流感。

　　醫師日報特派記者德拉艾在台灣採訪前衛生署長李明亮、衛生署長侯勝茂、醫界聯盟董事長吳樹民等人。他的觀察結論是，無奈台灣和中國的關係是分是合不明，台灣加入世衛已不是單純醫藥和人道的問題。

　　醫師日報發行量8萬1千份，報導面涵蓋大眾醫療政策、法國醫療體系、各地醫療品質和衛生環境等議題。

重新出發

2007-05-03T22:18:00.000+10:00

神要對我說的是什麼？

神學思想不同的服事態度對於各種“定義“的不同觀點

我不要再找一個確定的答案了一個絕對的答案

我不要再想著什麼是對什麼才是應該做的

這每每帶來的是自己的驕傲是對別人論斷是在掙扎中找不到出口的徬徨是緊緊抓住傷口不想痊癒的自憐是落人口實只會說不會做的種種藉口是搞不清楚到底是神重要還是人重要無論哪邊都ㄧ樣

今天求神幫助我真正單單定睛在他的身上

你要如何使用我就用吧

我相信不夠不完全的愛你會加添
我相信容易被人的話語影響的軟弱你會繼續調整
過去的現在的未來的求你都教導我時時刻刻交托交托再交托倚靠倚靠更多的倚靠

“靠著那加給我力量的凡事都能做“ 絕對不是推卸責任的藉口而是謙卑

主耶穌求你幫助我更多更多更多愛你更多更多更更更像你

不是完成人的期望而是完成你給我的命定

Forsaken People during the Epidemic of SARS

2007-04-26T22:55:00.000+10:00

Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ovp1dVujBU

part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcnnSFSf9zc&mode=related&search=

part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvOuPmFNuUc&mode=related&search=

part 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3-VDHlorIQ&mode=related&search=

part 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_Te9llWy0g&mode=related&search=

part 6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpxO2luzN3k&mode=related&search=

當時抗sars的主題曲手牽手
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxLEyIRRRMg&mode=related&search=

Taiwan, Republic of China, is NOT part of People's Republic of China!

2007-04-24T00:11:00.000+10:00

Taiwan is NOT a part of China, if you are referring to People's Republic of China.

Have you ever thought that when WHO is just a common name and service, Taiwan, ROC is abandoned by the rest of the world?
Where are you when there's SARS outbreak in Taiwan?
Where are you when the officer from China said " Who will care about you Taiwanese?"
Where are you when China is threatened Taiwan by military force?

Do you know HOW CRUEL IT IS to say those words? To a nation that is isolated, abandoned and despised.
When you are blessed with freedom, health services, support, diplomatics, world recognition, have you ever thought HOW PRECIOUS these are to a small country that is not even allowed to hold their national flag in ANY international competition?
Do you know how precious it is to even sing your national song, hold your national flag and live without any threatening from your enemy?

If you don't understand Taiwan, if you don't even know out nationality is REPUBLIC OF CHINA, then please shut up and NEVER EVER SAID THAT AGAIN!

I apologize for my misbehavior but I still have to say, please consider how hurt and painful when we, Taiwanese, Chinese, people from Republic of China hear those words.

God...help me please.

2007-04-22T13:25:00.000+10:00

Help me put you first in everything I do.
Help me stand firm when there's storm.
Help me have the same heart as you.
Help me be more like You.

我知道最近變得很血氣。我也很討厭我自己這個樣子。
我討厭看到老我出現，討厭看到因著人所說的受傷，討厭看到自己憤世嫉俗。我討厭我自己。

好不好幫助我重新回到你面前
幫助我真正了解要如何為你活
幫助我真正活出你的生命你的樣式
不只是嘴裡說而是真正行出來
主耶穌求你幫助我

It's enough

2007-04-22T13:16:00.000+10:00

When you guys are saying I'm weird, strange, violent, stupid, ignorant...Have you ever thought..who are you to say these things?
Yes maybe I should have tolerated and took the joke and "because my self identity is in Christ" so I shouldn't feel offended at all?
If you will pray for stronger self value in God rather than in men, why can't you just stop it?

I will slap you and pray that God will heal you, is that what you are doing?

Laughing at people, mocking people etc, since when these become a joke? A joke to those who are " superior" ...yes, probably.

拒絕

2007-03-31T12:50:00.000+10:00

學會說不對我一直是難學的功課
因為看得到他人的期望了解他們的想法
總希望能讓大家高高興興

說了不行不要對不起沒有辦法
卻更害怕大家解釋為你不肯幫忙你的優先順序不是這個你都變了 etc etc
也許追根究底是過於看重人的感覺人的看法及眼光吧
但是這絕對不是一句 “ 你只要知道你是走在神心意裡你是討神喜悅“ 就可以涵蓋過去
（不知道為什麼最近對這些字句很反感開始覺得我們過於簡化問題且下評斷）
是也不是

是一種需要更多被神的愛充滿在神的愛裡建立安全感與自信
一種“確定感“ 或是大家說的 “心安理得“？

也或許以前有能力（或不自量力）去做許多事去做符合大家期望的事或作許多自以為“是神要我這麼做“的事
但現在生活壓力一個個出現好像被夾攻的不知所措
弦被繃緊瀕臨斷弦的危機

煩累壓力大還是當我所要取悅的人開始有衝突
夾在中間的感覺或是被兩邊拉來拉去乖要受不了的感覺
不知道不知道
總之在這種情況下肉體的軟弱試煉試探全都來找我

神阿幫我突破重圍殺出條血路好不好？
或是讓我跟你一起殺出去吧！

胡思亂想

2007-03-30T23:27:00.000+10:00

最近很喜歡東想西想

聽到室友的琴聲手癢心癢

彈到最喜歡的地方心裡也跟著激動書都讀不下去

音樂在怎麼枯燥的練習總是帶著些激情與浪漫

起碼我總是這麼覺得

也難怪以前鋼琴老師總是埋怨我把巴哈彈成貝多芬孟德爾頌彈成蕭邦

不過若單單秉著被音符牽動的情緒還是隨性彈彈吧

誰管他們會不會死裡復活對我大罵 :p

讀到詩散文或只是同年齡同個生活圈的創作

也是手癢心癢

忍不住又幻想了起來或是想像生活中的浪漫

呵呵每天只想到要讀書要練習理學檢查要考試的生活裡浪漫的渴望可還沒消磨殆盡

宋代張載所言“為天地立心，為生民立命，為往聖繼絕學，為萬世開太平”

那種衝動理想以為已經不見但總是暗暗激動

對到屬靈書籍講到後現代的新品種基督徒

那種對信仰的堅持對真正真理的追求與實踐

不是護教者而是真正的尋道者

不斷衝擊我現在的選擇

回到現實我好像太不安於現狀啦

能做的有限時間有限考試準備有限腦袋容量有限體力有限容忍度有限

壓力承受度有限專注力有限

在我所有的能力裡能做的是什麼？優先順序是什麼？？理想是什麼？現實又是什麼

應該做的決定是什麼？應該負責的是什麼？想要付出的是什麼？需要又是什麼？

想太多讀書又要沒時間了

準備考試先吧

戰利品

2007-02-03T02:46:00.000+11:00

今天陪妹妹考完學測後跟媽媽一起去以琳書房買書跟CD!!

東看看西看看一下子就選了好多
呵呵我真不適合逛書店又敗家啦

不過看書選書的過程是很興奮的
尤其是翻閱每一本書的大綱內容
看到每一個作者的觀點角度
可以選擇去了解他們甚至透過他們的文字更多認識神實在是太令人興奮！！

還沒有讀
但在買的剎那就可以想見翻動每一頁的感動
好像已經看到自己被改變的可能
再次被神摸著的震動
不知不覺就愈拿愈多 :P

ㄟ突然想到一件重要的事

行李......放得下嗎？？

A new kind of Christian

2007-01-31T15:01:00.000+11:00

by Brian D. McLaren
也是節錄

我先介紹一下這本書是以兩個人的對話為主

最後他說話了；“況且，很多人對權威這個概念的理解，完全受到現代的影響“
我當時一定充滿疑惑，所以尼歐輕輕拍拍我的背，對我眨眨眼；“ 丹，放輕鬆點，我只是在陳述聖經的話。在提摩太後書中，有一節常被引用的經文並不是說“聖經都是神默示的，都是具有權威的“，而是說聖經示神默示的，是有益的----於教訓督責使人歸正教導人學義，並預備我們屬神的人得以行各樣的善事“

這裡對聖經功能所作的描述，非常不同於我們現代人希望聖經能具備的功能

我們想要把聖經當作神的百科全書上帝的法則大全
上帝的問題解答手冊
上帝的科學文獻
上帝的萬用道德指南

在耶穌那個時代，唯一會對聖經有這種期待的人，是文士和法力賽人

對吧？？？？

現代的自由派與保守派有一點相同的

就是他們以非常現代的方式來閱讀聖經
現代的保守派把聖經當做一本現代的書，他們讀慣了現代的歷史書，現代的百科全書，現代的科學論文，以及現代的法律條文，
所以他們假定，如果他們以對待以上著作的方式來對待聖經，就能發掘其中的含意
但是，當時人在寫聖經的時候，完全沒有上述類型的著作
的確，當時也有歷史記錄，然而在編修取材上，不像我們現代那麼注重事實的正確性，證據的確實性
以及絕對的客觀性

然而，現代的自由派似乎也犯了相應的錯誤。他們承認聖經不同於我們現代的著作，然而他們在某方面以現代的標準來判斷聖經
如果有什麼不符合我們現代西方崇尚客觀科學民主個人主義等等的思考形態，就對背當成老舊或不重要的而遭屏氣
在這兩種立場之外，有第三種立場可供我們選擇

而我認為我們應該選擇這個立場

你知道是什麼嗎？？我不想告訴你，希望你自己能想出來

ok..here is "丹"的回答等一下還有尼歐的回答
尼歐，也許第三種可能是。。。。。打開心胸，不要以太限定的方式讀經。當我們在讀聖經時，與其以我們現代人的預設及期望來理解他，或向學者一樣對他進行犀利的分析，也許我們需要像謙卑的尋道者一樣，渴望真誠地為上帝而活並且遵行他的旨意，然後盡力從聖經中學習。我想，遵循上帝旨意的渴望，就是你之前所說得動量。也許我們在讀經時，需要更多這種渴望，而不是對他進行批判的分析，不管事從自由派的角度還是從保守派的角度。也許後現代是“後分析“ 的以及“後批判的“。這是不是你的看法？
尼歐回答道
說得好
不過，我想能不能在向前一步，如果不是你去讀聖經，而是讓聖經來讀你呢？？？

想想，一個科學家正準備解剖一隻虎皮蛙，你會怎麼描述他對那隻青蛙的態度？？？

everybody thinks for a while........i won't type it here, i guess you guys are smart enought :p

很好，現在想想一個偵探在犯案現場
你會怎麼描述他的辦案方式？？？

現在想想一個少男在購物商場和一個少女約會。
他的態度與科學家或偵探的態度有哪些不同？？

我知道你要說的了。這個少男的態度不是分析也不是客觀的，而是有趣刺激，並且帶有個人的投入。他既不會那麼小心翼翼，也不會那麼不帶感情。然而在另一方面，他不會完全表露出他的感情，因為在他採取主動的同時，也希望讓她有採取主動的機會。

的態度不是那麼犀利，那麼想掌控一切，而是在一個兩人的關係之中。所以.....我知道了。你是說我們需要以這種態度對待聖經。我們需要和他談情說愛-----或者也許是讓他的信息和我們談情說愛。
尼歐說“是的，說得好，我們可以這麼說。讓我們再多想想。假設你是一個病人，知道自己得了癌症，而現在你要和 “
腫瘤科醫師作第一次會面，你會有什麼樣的態度呢？你的態度又會在哪些方面和科學家偵探或甚至和那位少年人的態度有所不同呢？？？
你知道我要說什麼？？？

現代世界已經使我們傾向只局限於以某些態度來看待聖經。這些態度都是客觀式的分析，像在辦案一樣，總是要去證明什麼。這也是以某種粗暴的方式去征服聖經的經文，將他化約為可被我們先入為主的觀念解釋得通得事物，並把他轉變成道德說教，或是原則綱要結論證明等等。我在想，要是我們對聖經經文的態度不那麼，

而大有更多的活力與熱情。會怎麼樣呢？？

要是我們老老實實聆聽其中的故事，讓他來吸引，影響我們，會怎麼樣呢？
這種態度不是用聖經回答我們對上帝的一切問題，而是相信上帝能藉由聖經的故事，提出關於我們的問題。
你看出兩者不同了嗎？？

要是我們將我們自己交拖給聖經，就像少男向少女廠開心扉，或像病人相信腫瘤科醫生一樣，會怎麼樣呢？
事實上，我認為天主教徒比我們新教徒更懂得這層道理

在讀經方面，本篤會的修道士 Benedictines
仍然有非常類似操練，他們稱之為
lectio divina默想式讀經

無論如何，我並沒有說我已經將這些問題想清楚了
我只知道現代對待聖經的方式不太行得通

continue....

2006-12-12T14:34:00.000+11:00

我想接下來我只節錄一些我學習到最多的吧
不然洋洋灑灑一大堆我想說的重點也不見了 :P

The Experience that counts by Jonathan Edwards

2006-12-12T14:25:00.000+11:00

最近正在幫父親打這本書的書摘我想這幾天可能分段節錄
覺得有很多東西值得我們自己反思與學習
這不是一個"論真假"再去批評他人的論作
而是幫助我們回到聖經使我們更加謙卑來面對我們的信仰
打破我們"好似擁有許多屬靈經歷的驕傲"

以下先對作者簡略的介紹
一、愛德華滋的歷史地位
美國獨立前傑出的宗教思想家，要算愛德華滋。他的著述用加爾文派的思想，解答了理性時代所發生的問題，他在神學與哲學方面，對美國有最良好與最長久的影響。神藉著他的時代環境，由其他的重生經驗，選召他做基督的僕人和偉大的神學家。從他我們可以知道美國建立前的文化主流。
愛德華滋在1734年發動了美洲的一次奮興運動，他在1740年美洲大悔悟運動中是一位領導者和維護者。他在自由意志的辯論中，力駁亞米紐派的意志自由說；在原罪論或人性完全墮落說爭辯中，他是加爾文派的戰士，他所領導的心靈運動和所建立的神學哲學系統，都是建立在加爾文主義上，他運用他的天才，慧眼和博學，以聖經為基礎，以當時的哲學、心理學甚至物理學為資料，建成了一種偉大美麗的而自成一家，可稱為愛德華滋式的加爾文主義。

愛德華滋自傳類第一篇立志
我對愛德華滋的立志較有共鳴之處：
第一條凡我心中認為最能榮耀神，且與我自身有益的。我必終生力行。
第二條不斷努力，以求獲得新方法，新計畫。
第四條凡是除非是為求歸榮耀於神，我就無論是在身體或心靈上，都決不有所作為。
第五條決不浪費光陰
第十一條當我想到神學尚須待解決的問題時，就盡力去求解答。
第十二條若我解答神學問題，是為滿足驕傲或虛榮，我就要立刻將之擱置。
第十六條除非真對人有好處，決不道人之惡。
第二四條每當我顯然有惡行之時，即刻決心追究最初的原因，然後我要小心謹慎，以免重蹈覆轍。
第二八條決心恆常不斷查考聖經。
第三二條對人所託之事，嚴守忠信。
第三七條在每晚臨睡，省察我在何事上有疏忽，我犯了甚麼罪，或在何事上自制了。
第四二條常常將自己重新獻給神。
第四六條決不容許自己對父母絲毫表示憤怒或不安之情。
第四八條必不斷極其殷勤，極其嚴格省察我的心靈，以便知道我真愛基督否，好叫我臨死的時候，在這方面沒有遺恨。
第五六條無論我是如何失敗，決不放棄，也不鬆懈對自己種種腐敗的奮鬥。
第五七條我要省察自己是否盡了本分。
第五八條在言談中，不但須防止憤怒和不高興的態度，而且須表現一種慈悲，仁愛愉快的態度。
第六八條向自己坦白承認我在自己心中所發現的軟弱與罪過，全部向神承認，懇求祂幫助。

2006-12-03T12:39:00.000+11:00

Can anyone truly understand me?

2006-10-03T00:49:00.000+10:00

Feeling alone, again.
Am I walking alone again?

A desire to be understood, esp by people I love, people I care, why is it so hard?
Why....why does the voice of judgement and misunderstanding chase me again and again?
How can you judge me even before truly understand me?
How can you judge me from the appearance when you know what kind of person I am?
Am I really disobedient, sturborn, trying to avoid, putting men above God, self-centred, selfpity, keeping making wrong decision due to my blindness in your eyes?

Lord, I know You are always always beside me.
Lord, I know You always always love me.
Lord, I know when no one in the world is with me, when no one understand, You know, You care, You love.

Lord, I don't want to be cynical, I really really don't want to be angry or dissappointed especailly at people I love so much. But I so want them to understand me, love me as a person, as a child You created....whether I'm a good person or not, I'm on fire or dry, I'm on the mountain top or the valley...I still wish they can love me as who I really am.

Lord, I'm tired...really....have been trying so hard to be exposed, trying to fit in, trying to be vunerable, trying to be understood...but why in the end, You are still the only who is beside me? Therefore, I don't wanna explain anymore....I'm tired Lord...exhausted....
Explain again and again, showing you what kind of person again and again, originally I thought you may see me...truly see me, without my explanation, without defending, without .....forgive me please, I'm just very...very...exhausted and frustrated.

Some lyrics said You are all I need. I want to say that too....but I can't deny the desire to be understood, the desire to be loved as I've given out.

At the same time, Lord, I wanna thank You for loving me. Now I know how hard it is to love unconditionally....without You, without Your love, I will just burn myself from the limited love I have.
Thank You Lord, for being with me....
When there's sunshine, You are with me.
When there's cloud, You are with me.
When there are people surrounded, You are with me.
When no one is here, You are with me.
When I'm crazy about You, You are with me.
When I don't recoginse You, You are with me.
When I'm high, when I'm down, when joyful, when there's sorrow, when flying, when running, when walking, when dragging, You are with me.

我雖行過死蔭的幽谷,卻不怕遭害,因祢與我同在.
謝謝祢, 阿爸父神.

Let's put God first in our lives

2006-08-24T20:46:00.000+10:00

Nothing is bigger than God and the obedience to God. Not even other's needs.
你要盡心盡意盡力愛主你的神
接下來才是愛人如己.

如果沒有先連結於神,沒有被神的愛充滿,怎麼服事人,怎麼用自己有限的愛來愛人?
如果沒有謙卑,沒有服從,依照自己的意思服事神,我們仍能口口聲聲說愛神嗎?

Therefore,"As You wish...dear Lord", this will be my prayer.

The joy of the Lord is our strength

2006-08-03T20:51:00.000+10:00

Thank you Lord, for who You are.
Thank you Lord, for Your faithfulness. And Your love NEVER fails.

I don't know what to do Lord....I don't even know who I really am...

2006-08-03T20:38:00.000+10:00

Father, You love me as who I am.
Father, You know me more than I know myself.
Father, You are always there when I need. ( Even when I forget...)
Father, would you please help me, guide me and strengthen me? would you please pick me up and refresh me with Your love.
Don't forsake me Lord...please listen to me Lord.....as I need You.....I need Your love....
Father, please let me hide in Your arms, with Your love, where is the secret place that we can face to face.

When I feel nothing to give, I can only bring myself to you, with a broken spirit.

communication

2006-07-22T19:56:00.000+10:00

In the past, I thought communication is just about telling each others' views and being able to understand and respect. But how to make the other person truly understand? How to respect when you already have your own views towards the same thing? How to come to the same conclusion when we are standing on different grounds and taking a different views? and it's not just about "differences", as "differences" implies we are holding different things, but on the same level. What if the things we are holding actually have priority, or even right and wrong? Taking either ones' views just won't work in this case.

Observing/Listening is not knowing. Knowing is not understanding. Understanding is not experiencing. Experiencing is not practicing. Putting it into practice doesn't mean wanting to do.

A cup full of water just can't take things in anymore. Adding some colour into a glass of ink just won't see the original colour we add. Humble ourselves is not denying and dispising. However, that's a delicate balance. And I have to say, sometimes I fail to do that. Seeing/knowing everything through God's eyes is like replacing our colourful glasses with transparent one. We all have our sides, our views, developed from our background and culture. So in the end, communication is not just about knowing both sides and fulfill each others' needs or expectations, but
to seek our Lord's wills, to seek what our God wants from both side.

Communication is not about me, not about you, but about God, about humbleness, about love.
What is love then?
愛是恆久忍耐, 又有恩慈.
愛是不嫉妒. 愛是不自誇,不張狂,不做害羞的事.
不求自己的益處, 不輕易發怒.
不計算人家的惡,不喜歡不義, 只喜歡真理.
凡事包容, 凡事相信, 凡事忍耐.
愛是永不止息.
We don't need to be "taught" to love, but at the same time, we are all learning how to love.
We are not perfect, neither is our love. But how blessed we are! Our God, our source of perfect love, source of strength and hope is ALWAYS there, ALWAYS faithful even when we are not faithful to Him.

No matter how hard is communication, or anything in our lives, there's nothing bigger than God; nothing is bigger than His cross----the ultimate expression of His love.

期許

2006-07-07T17:14:00.000+10:00

好久沒來這邊走走久違了
發生了很多事我也就不一一在這帶過,畢竟不是每一刻都能被紀錄下來
--------------------------------------------------------------
我知道,自己是很容易活在期許下的人
父母的期許,師長的期許,我所愛的人們的期許....不用說,我都能從中窺探其大概
也因此,養成了很會察言觀色,甚至是過於小心翼翼的習慣
期待自己在所能及的範圍內取悅身邊的每一個人.
其實,這才是肩膀上最最沉重的壓力吧!
儘管心裡知道" even God didn't please everyone",但又怎能一無反顧的無是大家期望的存在呢?
也許應該換句話來說,我怎能無視於"期待中的自己"的存在?

對自己的期許是什麼?
以基督的心為心,愛神愛人,好的品格,成為好的牧羊人,好管家,好學生,好醫師,好女兒,好姊姊,好太太好婆婆 :P
其實總的來說,期待自己成為在各個方面都能讓神微笑的孩子吧!
也許你會說,為什麼不為自己好好活就好?
也許,這就是我想為自己活的方式?
也或者,我想要的方式就是神所期待的方式?
但曾幾何時,我總是試著用自己的力量,用自己的方式,去迎合"自以為"的神的期待?
曾幾何時,不斷陷入如法力賽人的迷思---以自己的方式成為完全去取悅神,卻陷入失敗的輪迴裡跳不出來.

"我以你的本像愛你" 這是神不斷在耳邊耳語的
但就連以我的本像愛我自己都好難做到....

接受自己的不完美,遵行祢的旨意是我好想好想做到的
但現在卻好像變成,再也不知道該怎麼做. 而面對所愛的人,卻也什麼也說不出口.
希望有人能聽得到,更真正了解,而不是再加一項期許,好像也只能對神說了.

"try as we might by our appearance, performance or social status to find self-verification for a sense of being somebody, we always come short of satisfication. Whatever pinnacle of self-identity we achieve soon crumbles under the pressure of hostile rejection or criticism, introspection or guilt, fear or anxiety. We cannot do anything to qualify for the by product of being loved unconditionally and voluntarily."

佳韻老少們的成長vs自己的反思

2006-03-27T22:15:00.000+11:00

看到亞灣姐的分享與佳韻板上的見證,打從心底為大家的體悟與成長高興!:)
一個小組關係的建立,小組員的成長,牧人的帶領等等,在台大佳韻裡看到好多很棒的例子

小組員彼此真實的關懷分享,委身在同一個異象帶出來的力量是大的,更可以看到神在其中動工!
每一個人的見證,都帶來些震撼,神的工作怎能如此奇妙? 我只能讚嘆
每一個小組都有不一樣的文化與季節,但是不變的是合一,是包容,是在異象裡與神同工.
而我在這邊所看到的是什麼呢? 或者,神要我看到要我去努力的是什麼?

看到別人的生命,第一個自然反應就是羨慕的流口水 :P
對神的真實,對神的渴慕,與神深刻的相遇,與神同工,學習愛每一個小組員,在密室裡的禱告blablabla....真的不禁會問神,為什麼他們有? 我也想要!
再想想,神給我的是什麼? 為什麼在我心裡面常常會想copy別人的生命?
但是事實是,能使他們成長經歷的,不是與神相處的模式,不是一個成功生命的模子,而是神自己阿!

所以回到原來的問題,神量給我的是什麼?
Tcell:一個新的小組,一個除了神自己,沒有人知道應該怎麼帶的小組 :P
自己好希望好希望能看到小組的合一,委身,以及所帶來的爆炸力! 在核心同工中,卻好像很難看到同一副圖畫. 想與他們分享,同時卻又擔心自己是把過去的經驗強加在現今的狀況下.
每次表達,好像又表達不好. 在我心裡,真的好希望大家有共識,有一樣的異象,對神對人有一樣的熱情. 對小組員有一顆牧人的心,一顆像耶穌一樣的心. 可是現在,卻好像是我用我的方式努力,感覺不是一個團隊,而是一個個作工的工人. 神,帶小組不是只是個責任阿! 不是帶帶Bible study, worship, sounding board, 偶爾的phone call關懷...我不要只是做事工, 我是要侍奉你，愛小羊的阿！　只是，為什麼我覺得做得辛苦壓力大？好像是在課業中擠出時間來做教會的事一樣？
羊餵了嗎？　羊長大了嗎？　牧人／僕人從你那裡領受了什麼？　領受的是一樣的嗎？

與屬靈同伴的關係：
在我心裡面，一直好希望有人可以聽我說我的軟弱，擁抱真實不完全且破碎的我。好希望有人了解我的想法，彼此鼓勵，一起成長。可是當我愈在乎一個人，也愈在乎＂人＂而不是神對我的想法。於是那種包裝，或是不知所挫又自然而然的出現。而有很多是＂我＂的理想，而一段關係是關乎兩個人以及神的工作。我想有太多需要調整與學習。
再者，我們之間的差異本就不小，相處模式也不同，文化，語言，成長教會等等
但感謝神，以前可是連想都不敢想屬靈同伴的事呢！　
而我仍然相信，這段關係是神要大大祝福的！

愛神愛人在與神同工之前

2006-03-25T00:58:00.000+11:00

from每日靈糧:

保羅人生的最後歲月，在監獄中度過，這時他頗覺孤單，且有病在身──獨有路加在他身邊，明顯是因他健康不佳，需要照顧（11）。加上獄中氣溫漸冷，他需要衣服；囑提摩太帶來「皮卷」，更表明他靈性上也有需要。但保羅在自己身、心、靈方面有需要的同時，心中仍惦念著很多同工。保羅一向給人的印象是個性子急，不畏危險，衝鋒型的人物；但晚年的他除了關注事工，更關切許多人。在事奉中，有時事務多、需要大，日久不免變得很「事工導向」；但保羅的生命提醒我們必須重視同工、重視人。因為基督徒服侍至終要體現的是愛，而非人看為偉大、「成功」的工作果效。－徐道勵

「你要趕緊的到我這裡來。因為底馬貪愛現今的世界，就離棄我．．．獨有路加在我這裡．．．我已經打發推基古往以弗所去。我在特羅亞留於加布的那件外衣，你來的時候可以帶來，那些書也要帶來，更要緊的是那些皮卷．．．問百基拉、亞居拉，和阿尼色弗一家的人安。以拉都在哥林多住下了。特羅非摩病了，我就留他在米利都．．．有友布羅、布田、利奴、革老底亞，和眾弟兄都問你安。」（提後四9至21）

求主賜我憐憫的心 with compassion I pray

2006-03-15T12:14:00.000+11:00

by 周巽光

This is my cry Lord...
求主賜我　　一顆憐憫的心　　Give me a compassionate heart Lord
好叫我　　為失喪人哭泣 so that I can weep for the lost
求主融化我　這顆剛硬的心 soften this hard heart Lord
讓我所有眼淚　都為你而流　 let all my tears drop for you

求主賜我一顆柔軟的心 Give me a soft heart Lord
好叫我能活出你旨意 so that I can live your will
求主賜給我一個焚燒的靈 Give me a burning spirit, Lord
不再為我自己而為你百姓呼求公義 not for myself anymore, but cry out for righteousness for your people

主耶穌憐憫你的百姓 Lord Jesus, have mercy on your people
主聖靈打開我眼睛看到你心意 Holy Spirit, open my eyes and see your will

主耶穌觸摸眾人的心 Lord Jesus, touch our hearts
恢復我起初的愛心 restore the first love
不是為我而是為你百姓 not for me, but for your people
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主耶穌我知道有好多事情要禱告
但是來到你面前我真的不想用一種例行公事或是流水帳似的禱告單
甚至同時想著還有多少事沒做完而草草結束

不想為了禱告而禱告
不想禱告時還想著要怎麼說怎麼做
更不想只是跟你說說話

我好想再次看到禱告的火禱告的負擔
那顆為失喪靈魂哭泣的心為小羊哭泣的心
我好想在禱告裡面看到你的國度降臨你的旨意行在地上如同行在天上
我好想帶著無助的心謙卑自己; 透過信心的眼抓住你的應許; 帶著禱告負擔的沉重
全心全意按著你的旨意呼求

沒有華麗的禱告詞
沒有別人的眼光與想法
只是單單來到你寶座前愛你想要知道你的心意想要觸動你的心弦
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

禱告因為我渺小
禱告因為我知道我需要
明瞭
你心意對我重要

禱告已假裝不了
禱告因為你的愛
我需要
你關懷
我走過你都明白

有些事我只想要對你說
因為你比任何人都愛我
痛苦從眼中流下我知道你為我擦

在早晨我也要來對你說
主耶穌今天我為你活
所需要的力量你天天賜給我你恩典夠我用

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

2006-02-25T02:00:00.000+11:00

Happy moments
Difficult moments
Painful moments
Quiet moments
Every moments I'll seek you, praise you, trust you, worship you and thank you.
神最最親愛的天父把拔
可不可以再給我多一點的愛, 讓我更愛你, 更愛人?
可不可以給我一顆憐憫的心, 讓我柔軟, 為你百姓哭泣?
去到曠野以色列人的曠野煉淨
去到曠野只有神與我的曠野從新得力

禱告

2006-02-19T02:48:00.000+11:00

禱告因為我渺小 I pray because I'm little
禱告因為我知道我需要明瞭你心意對我重要 I pray because I know I need to know how important Your will is to me

禱告已假裝不了 I pray I can't pretend anymore
禱告因為你的愛我需要你的愛我走過你都明白 I pray because I need Your love and You know what I've been through

有些事我只想要對你說因你比任何人都愛我 some things I only want to tell you/because You love me more than anybody else
痛苦從眼中流下我知道你會為我擦 the pain flow from eyes/ I know you will wipe for me
在早晨我也要來對你說主耶穌今天我為你活 in the morning I'll come to You and say,"I live for you today, Jesus"
所需要的力量你每天賜給我你恩典夠我用 You provide all I need/ Your grace is sufficient for me

what I expect as a cell group leader

2006-02-19T01:49:00.000+11:00

principles are the same as my vision of 2006 ^^y:

-love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
if I'm not loved by God first, how can I love my sheep?
向神求更多的愛好叫我不是用自己不完全的愛來愛
deeper in love with God is my cry everyday

-love your neighbor as your self
pray for more love from God to love each sheep
I don't want to ...( and I can't) lead a cell group if I myself don't love them. Love them more, care about them more, pray for them more. Also, to be able to see them through God's eyes.
As a cell group leader, I'm not leading a cell group to fulfill my dream, but to complete God's will and plan on each sheep. 去成全神給每隻小羊的命定

-與神同工 go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
God is the head of the cell group. The cell group is God's, not the leaders'. As a cell group leader, I'm just willing to be used by God.
"And GOd is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."
I've been asking for new wineskin to embrace the new wine. And I believe that God will certainly pour out His anointing!

Dear Lord, I humble myself before You again. I praise You for what you have done, for what you are doing and what you are going to do. You alone are worthy our praises!
I also want to thank You for giving me such a privillege to serve You. 我是如此不配與渺小, 你卻揀選. I can't earn your grace and your smile cos you are already given. So Lord, search my heart to see if there's any pride, I truly have nothing to boast ...鑒察我是否有你不喜悅的態度是否有得罪祢之處
Help me Oh Lord, to see what You want me to see, to do what You want me to do. Let Your kingdom come. Let Your will be done.
Lord, to be honest with You, I'm so afraid of letting you down. I'm afraid of my weakness and sinful flesh. However, I'll always claim I am weak but You are strong!
Lord, my love and only desire, won't you come and fill me with Your love? Won't you anoint me with your Holy Spirit?
Help me love You more and more. Help me love Your people more and more.

In Jesus' mighty name
Amen

First week in Melb

2006-02-19T01:26:00.000+11:00

I was back this Mon and went strait to uni!~~
Even tho this is the first week of uni, we've had lots to study so....no time to be homesick, which is good actually. When waiting for transit (9 hours!) in KL, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of loneliness.
有時候這種突如其來的孤獨感真的讓人手足無措
但也是這個時候知道只有神是唯一的倚靠不只是單單要抓住神而是只有神可以緊緊抓住

開學了
面對的是更難更多的課業新的服事
神沒有賜下大突破與翻轉卻有恩典夠用的應許 Your grace is sufficient for me!
細水長流持續不斷的交託與倚靠也許是神要我學習的吧

復興的火與異象每一天都要求神大大的焚燒
熱血 passionate for God 為靈魂哭泣
沉靜來到神面前更多的渴慕

愛神愛人與神同工 is the vision of my 2006

ok....now this is mine :P ( i think i'll write sth more detailed later)

2005-12-24T21:21:00.000+11:00

“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalms 127:1
If not God, who can change a barren land into a “heaven of Northern Thailand”? If not God, who can turn broken hearts into such a joyful dancing?
If not God, who can sustain them when the fallen world seems so overwhelming?

With the primitive impression of Northern Thailand, I had prepared for no shower and no flushing toilets. So you can tell how surprised I was when we arrived. It looks like a resort center! The teacher told us seven years ago, they had to sleep in scorpion house and eat snakes; but now the villagers all call the center “the heaven of Northern Thailand”! “They may live in the desert and sleep in the forests in safety.” (Eze 34:25) This is one of God’s promises for the center and indeed God has fulfilled.

It was hard to believe how much the children have been through when looking at their smiles because they are just so joyful. Most of them have experienced the darkest sins of human beings, yet the joy of the Lord really is their strength. “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.”(2Co 6:10) Through human’s eyes, they may appear pitiable and poor; but through God’s eyes, they are precious and rich. Therefore, when we were up to the mountain and visited the villages, the tears in my eyes were not for poverty and primitiveness but for their lives without God. God has made me truly realize that He is the only and everything we need and how painful and heart-breaking when He saw that He is not the priority in our lives. God’s love towards us has become so real to me!

The faith and passion of the people there has stroke me. They always focus on God and the promises He’s given. We went to many new places where they plan to build new churches and centers. Some of these places are just lands with long grass. However, through the eyes of God, they saw churches full of people worshipping and all the villagers have turned to God. They praise God when they still have financial problems. They praise God even when they have no idea about the next meal for 200 children. They truly believe that God’s grace is always sufficient and His promises and love never fail.

Before the mission trip, my ears had heard of many testimonies about the center. But now my eyes have seen how God has been leading His people step by step. By reviewing how God has fulfilled each promise and looking forward the vision He has given, I feel so blessed to work with God as part of His plan at that moment. And as the last line from the center said, “Raise your holy hands and pray for the new lives of the drug addict and the salvation of the children!” We may have different lives and experiences, but the same God we believed has bound us together; and as His people we are all working together for His kingdom and glory.

Another reflection of the mission trip from JW

2005-12-24T21:20:00.000+11:00

God’s work is awesome and inspiring to behold. He works in so many ways, sometimes suddenly like a clap of thunder and sometimes gradually like a seed sprouting, but always overcoming and life-transforming. The centre that He has planted in Northern Thailand is an incredible testimony of what He can do when there are workers obedient and willing.

The children we encountered were beautiful in their purity and passion. As I played with them, taught them and talk to them, God showed me how precious they were to Him and I just started to love them, from the youngest toddler to the oldest teen. I was unexpectedly humbled by their earnest and unashamed prayers, in particular on the night we arrived when they turned towards us and raised their voices to bring down the roof in prayer. Being a part of their chapel services was a privilege every morning. I cannot adequately describe the joyful delight of their praise, their heartfelt faces raised to heaven in the most sincere worship I’ve witnessed, and the overwhelming intensity of their prayer. The soaring sound of hundreds of children, their voices blending together as they cried out to their Saviour was something I will remember many years from now. I know I have much to learn before I can intercede as mightily as these prayer warriors.

When the teacher told us the sad pasts of the children, I was quietly stunned. Most had come from broken families. Many had seen their share of sexual abuse, violence and abandonment and death from drugs and AIDS. Speaking with them revealed a little of their painful histories and family tragedies. Yet this wasn’t the thing that shocked me. What shook my heart was how their hearts were still so content, how their faces shone with a joy that couldn’t be found anywhere else but the Lord. How they had truly traded in their sorrows, shame and pain for His perfect joy.

I couldn’t understand it when I thought back to my friends in Melbourne who had relatively storm-free lives, who had ten times as much in our eyes, and were yet so miserable and restless. Was it that these kids didn’t know any better here, with poverty and disease being so familiar? What did they have that gave them such bright hope despite their bleak futures and lack of opportunities? Then I put two and two together. God was their joy, their peace, their love, their hope. Peace when a sibling died from a drug overdose. Love that they couldn’t receive from their parents. Hope from the assurance that God was at work in their lives in spite of their unhappy circumstances.

We sing that all we need is God, that He is everything we need. I never truly understood this until now. When they had nothing at all, God intervened. He was simply everything to them. Take away God and they had nothing. I started to understand. I wanted to sing these words with this conviction too. Take away my family, my friends, my computer, my career, my ability to walk, hear, see. If I were left with God, would He be more than enough? Does abundant life mean possessions, social standing, job satisfaction, warm fellowship? Or does it simply mean a beautiful relationship with my Father?

The young people I met at New Life showed me what it means to be in love with Christ. What it means to count their salvation the greatest and most awe-inspiring blessing. I thank them so deeply for this and I come back desiring to know God better than I do now and to somehow impart the lessons I have learnt to the people I love. I come back praying to see my beloved church here join with our brothers and sisters in Thailand and all over the globe in shining like stars in a world of darkness and unthinkable despair.

By Jonathan Wong – Bread of Life Church Melbourne Australia –Dec’ 2005

Reports and Reflection – North Thailand Mission Trip(by J9, one of the mission trip member)

2005-12-24T21:18:00.000+11:00

Sa wat dee kaa!!!
Well this mission trip to Thailand has been a blessing, an eye opener, an inspiration … basically, it has been one of the best experiences of my life. I had been told that on my first missions trip I would gain more than I give, but I never could have imagined all the blessings given to me through this trip.

Arriving at the New Life Drug Rehabilitation Centre, I was touched by all the children there. Though they were a bit shy at first, after a few classes with them, the strength, love and faith that the children and adults there was amazing. I was taken aback with the passion with which these children praised and prayed to God. On our first night in the centre, the whole team was totally awestruck when in the middle of the service, the few hundred children in the ‘church assembly hall’ (named the Nehemiah Hall) stood up, turned to us, and all in union, prayed for us their individual prayers and blessings.

Waking up each morning before sunrise, our thoughts and hearts were turned to God through the Christian songs which were blasted through the camp as a wake up call, and in the early morning chapel. At 5 am in the morning we could hear the sounds of the children in the hall practicing music, and truly worshipping God without any hindrance or distraction. In the morning service, we followed the children who led us in songs, and their accompanying actions. I found it extraordinary, that just being in this place, and looking to the children as leaders, we were able to forget all our self-consciousness, and happily dance to songs, whereas back in Australia, we may have stopped and thought: “Am I embarrassing myself?”

Throughout the week, during classes and in the Thai school, I was moved by how loving and respectful these children were. They were thankful for everything that they had. They didn’t have many ‘treats,’ or toys or anything… but they found happiness in chasing around crickets, using a spider as a yoyo, and most of all, they were just so thankful for being in the centre itself. Wherever you went, whenever you saw them, the children would always be smiling. The best was when we were able to sit down in smaller groups and actually get to know them personally. It was then that we were able to find out all the atrocities that these children have been through. They’d been through war, family break downs, death, and abuse; but still, they were happy, and thanked and loved God unconditionally. Even more touching, was how for many, their greatest endeavour was to go out, and share the gospel with everyone they could, as their hearts told them “I have been given this amazing gift of Jesus, and now I want to give to others too.”

Visiting the villages up in the mountains, and seeing all the work being done there, we were all struck by the amount of faith that the people, who planted churches far up in these mountains had. They did not have the ‘funds’ or any materials at all, but they trusted in God for everything, and God provided. Through them, God is doing mighty works, and touching lives, where before there seemed little hope and happiness. It was truly amazing to witness all of this, and to see how God is raising up these children, to mighty men and women of God, who are going to go out there and impact the world in an awesome way.

Jeannine Loh

I was lost!!!! but now i'm found! :p

2005-11-23T01:37:00.001+11:00

Today I got lost THREEEEEEEEEEE times!!That was an record.

1. From Myer(a department store in Aus) to Melb Central
It was so confusing! I just couldn't find the stat; in the mean time, someone was following me(quite scary hey~). But thank God it was Tom and he showed me the way to the stat. *phew*

2. Couldn't find bus 298 to Jeannine's house
After arriving box hill and following J9's instruction, I successfully found the bus stops. But....how come I couldn't find no. 298?!!!! well, there must be sth wrong with my eyes. *sigh* Anyway, thank God again that Joce just came back from work and gave me a lift.^^"

3.From Christina's house to Heidelberg station
quoted from Christina,"how...is...it...possible?"
well, nothing is impossible with God! (oops wrong quote)
Anyway, don't ask me cos even myself didn't know what was going on! I turned to the opposite direction and not until 20 min did I realise it was the wrong way. So for a normally 10 min walk, I took me 45 min instead!!
But still..thank God for finding the right way in the end and getting much exercise done today!

Eve of Christina's Birthday~~the "scary" surprise

2005-11-21T12:02:00.000+11:00

For those who don't know Christina-she's my spiritual companion and she's a huge blessing God has ever given to me.

Tue was her 21st birthday so we planned to give her a surprise.

Plan A: ambush her in the church before the prayer meeting. <--but she's not going!!

so.....Plan B: According to her mom she will be home at 7pm on Mon. So we'll crash at her place and make sure that she will be the one who answer the door.....we planned to light up a row of fairy sticks <---failed because she's accompanying a chior until 10pm!!!

10pm is pretty late and because of my bad acting skill she already knew the plan, but how can we give up so easily? wahaha~~~Of course not! Therefore, here's Plan C: we would ambush in her house and after trying many ways of "scaring her", Jeannine and I waited in the bush near the door ,and Ps Jeremy, Aunty Carol, JonWong, Esther, Edward hid in a room for the second shot.

Finally Plan C went quite well but we scared her more than gave her a surprise !:p

Well, hope she liked this scary experience! hehe...
( hm...maybe next time I should plan for surprise rather than scare )

When I say"I am a Christian"

2005-11-17T02:15:00.000+11:00

作者:佚名

When I say..."I am a Christian" 當我說我是基督徒時
I'm not shouting "I am saved" 我並不是在叫喊著 "我是得救的"
I'm whispering "I get lost!" 而是在低聲的說 "我曾經迷失過"
"That is why I chose this way." "所以我選擇了這條路"

When I say..."I am a Christian" 當我說我是基督徒時
I don't speak of this with pride. 並不是因為我覺得比你高一等
I'm confessing that I stumble 而是承認我一直在蹣跚而行
and need someone to be my guide. 所以我需要一位生命中的嚮導

When I say..."I am a Christian" 當我說我是基督徒時
I'm not trying to be strong. 我並不是在顯示自己很強壯
I'm professing that I'm weak 而是在承認自己的軟弱
and pray for strength to carry on. 並禱告尋求繼續前進的力量

When I say..."I am a Christian" 當我說我是基督徒時
I'm not bragging of success. 我並不是在吹噓我的成功
I'm admitting I have failed 而是承認自己的失敗
and cannot ever pay the debt. 並且沒有能力償還所背負的債

When I say..."I am a Christian" 當我說我是基督徒時
I'm not claiming to be perfect, 我並不是在自我宣稱我是完美的
my flaws are too visible 而是讓你看到我生命中的瑕疵是這麼的明顯
but God believes I'm worth it. 但神相信我是有價值的

When I say..."I am a Christian" 當我說我是基督徒時
I still feel the sting of pain 我還是會感到痛如針刺般
I have my share of heartaches 但我有神來分擔我的心痛
which is why I seek His name. 所以我會繼續尋求祂的面

When I say..."I am a Christian" 當我說我是基督徒時
I do not wish to judge. 我並不是在評價你
I have no authority. 因為我沒有那樣的權柄
I only know I'm loved. 我只知道我是被愛著的

Tears after the exams

2005-11-12T22:42:00.000+11:00

"at least it was a new experience..." I was talking to J9 on the msn....

I've never ever cried after an exam...except this one.
I've never ever felt so stressed before!
也許是因為這次肩上背著的不只是自己的未來與夢想，更沈重的是家人的付出與犧牲。
以前，自己作的自己扛，沒什麼大不了。但這次不同，我身上背負著多少人的期望與關懷，有多少人因為我選擇了這條路而受影響？我又怎能置之不理無動於衷？

第一次，真的是第一次為了考試掉淚
不是為著分數，我想是壓力是愧對很多複雜的感覺吧！

Cello

2005-10-31T00:03:00.000+11:00

from ptt2 bbs
by moulinrouge

回憶是一段拉飽的弓
　　以淒美的臉龐
　　在生命的弦上不斷顫抖

　　羽毛色的利箭，你劃破了
　　比惡夢還黑的夜
　　為什麼卻割不開自己
　　比泉水還軟的心？

　　一個小節裡塞滿了一整季
　　未熟先爛的牽掛
　　一彎琴腹，即降伏了
　　纖纖絮語以外的狂風暴雨
　　你該以哪隻手持弓宣戰？
　　哪垂髮束的擺動能解放指揮棒？

疾疾奔走，四弦馳騁天際
　　眼波徐徐，哪門的流轉唱成了歌
　　背著看似巨大的靈魂
　　你卻把整株生命的脆弱全凝至胸前
　　那把褐木色的棺材裡
　　倩影猶在，隨音符脈動的軀體
　　不曾想催人釀淚
　　其實，你是催逼自己奮力畫著
　　看不見的天堂
　　從前，現在，以至樂音渺茫的未來

　　一段弓
　　總比一句話說得悠長
　　這首曲子
　　卻撐不完一輩子了

With All I Am

2005-10-22T20:06:00.000+10:00

by Reuben Morgan

Into Your hands I commit again with all I am for You, Lord.
You hold my world in the palm of Your hand.
And I am Yours forever.

I'll walk with You wherever You go.
Through tears and joy, I'll trust in YOu.
And I'll live in all of Your ways.
And Your promises forever.

Jesus, I believe in You.
Jesus, I belong to You.
You're the reason that I live, the reason that I sing
With all I am.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These past few weeks have been tough.......(I've shared with some people, don't really want to talk about the details here)

I'm "on the process" towards this song. My prayer is that one day I can sing just as I am in the walk with God!

Birthday Blessing

2005-09-19T15:47:00.000+10:00

It has been a while I haven't been bloging. Life is busy....and I'm doing SOAP (for those who don't know, SOAP stands for scripture, observation, application and prayer.)journaling so don't really have time to take care of the blog. But may be I'll put some of my journal on in my holiday next week!(hm....but another problem is I can't access to internet at home at the moment.) anyway we'll see how it goes!!

I want to praise God for His love and blessing through the people around me!
My birthday this year is the day before the midterm exam so I didn't have the mood to celebrate. Surprisingly, since 00:00 12 of sep, there has been soooooooo many wishes and greetings from my friends!
* I got a huge card full of family photoes from my family in Taiwan!!
* My cousin got me a cake and bracelace and with Luke and Louis we sang happy birthday together!
*Dennis made a yogourt Cheese cake! Yum!
*Dinne with Luke, Louis and Rose!
*Ecards from Ariel and Sherry. (My ex-cell group leader and primary schoolmate!)
*SMS from Ling, Audrey, Yenni, Shirley, April, etc.
*phone calls from Yvonne and Freda.
*After midterm, Charlotte, Agnes, Bonnie, Chiu and Henry had lunch at Coretto together.
*On Tuesday prayer meeting, Ps Jeremy and Aunty Carol gave me a book!!! I was so surprised that they even know my birthday!!!^^
*After the prayer meets, Christina bought a cake and we celebrated with all the ppl in prayer meets! (I was shocked and touched....dunno how to react at the spot)
*On Sun, Christina gave me a photo frame with the pic of me and her and my favorite scripture!!!(I'm still wondering how did she know...hm..) This is the most touching gift I have ever had!!

Originally, i thought this year's Bday will be lonely and stressed because of the midterm exam. And since I can't celebrate with my family and cell group in Taiwan, I thought I'll be sad and homesick....
But Praise the Lord, He gave me even more love and blessing through the ppl around me! This is the best Birthday I have ever had. Even though I don't have a party or sth, I've received so much more and been touched A LOT!!!!!
Thank you Lord! and Thank you all who have been a great bless in my life! I really praise God for giving me so many great friends, family and spiritual companion!! I know that I'm not good at expressing my feelings and thoughts, and I don't even know how to express my gratitude exept from saying "Thank you"! But honestly, I want to give thanks to all of you!!!^_______________^

Daily reflection---Proverbs

2005-06-16T15:29:00.000+10:00

I read Proverbs chp 16 today and God has spoken to me through many verses.

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
"In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps"
God seemed distant these days. Of course I know that the relationship with God is not based on feelings, but it's still hard to keep "close" to God if I don't feel "closeness". These two verses reminded me the faithfulness and grace of God.
Last year, when I went through the valley of tears, God gave me these two verses. When I had such a little faith, it was(is) God that made my faith grow. When there was no one I can share and pray with, it was(is) God that accompanied me through the dark path of loneliness.
It's always good to recall how amazing God's grace is, which is one of the sources of strength to continue the journey.

"The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished."
"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall"
God sees pride as an extremely serious problem. And pride is an old enemy whom I've always been fighting with.
Sometimes I'm proud unconsciously. This Sun when Pastor asked me how's the relationship with my parents, I told him that my mom always asked me what to do with my bro,etc. Then Pastor said,"So it's more like you are discipling you mom??".
This reminded me the pattern I used to get along with my parents. With my mom, I usually share my thoughts and opinions, but sometimes I lost my respect and have bad attitudes towards her. The underlying reason is the pride in my heart!
This is the prob I've been changing and still need more changes!

pls pray for us

2005-06-12T23:01:00.000+10:00

Recently there have been many attacks on my cell group.

Keep us in your prayers if you are a christian.

Last "intense" week

2005-06-12T22:05:00.000+10:00

My priority has been distorted last week. And I was SOOO ashamed in front of God since I think I've let Him down. Yeah and that reminded me what Pastor has said,"Many ppl think God always frowns on them but atually He always smiles on us." This is me. But even though I "know" God always loves me and knows me so well, somehow I still felt sooooo ashamed.

I am so sorry Lord......SOOOOOO sorry!!

Sometimes I forget the price you've paid and the sacrifice you've made.

I've broken so many promises I've made. I hate myself like that---having ups and downs in the relationship with God. Why can't I only have deeper and more intimate relationship?? Why can't I hold God tightly ALWAYS??
------becos I'm sinner and I'm so weak. That's why I'm so surprised that God can even fulfill His will through such imperfect human beings. So can God still use me?? Of course!! I'll boast my weakness!

Exam is on the corner!

2005-05-27T01:47:00.000+10:00

Time flies!!! Today is the last day of uni!
hm....now I need God's grace to pass my EXAMS!!! (haha..but I know His grace is always sufficient for me!)
well, just a bit stressed since I'm not an efficient learner.
Study extremely hard for God!!

--------------------------Saturday---------------------------------------------------
Stressed and.....bored!! Why?? I want your everlasting arms Lord!! Fill my cup!! I don't know why I have this feeling but pls take it away and fill me with your joy!

Love our neighbors even when we don't love them!

2005-05-09T23:24:00.000+10:00

I called several people tonight. In Taiwan we call"caring calls".
This reminded me the past experiences when I was responsible for dialing regular caring call. I'm not a talkative person unless there is a "matching" topic, so it was hard to chat with someone I don't really know. And I don't like the feeling to find sth to talk about purposely and the "awkward silence". Besides, "caring call" should be dialed out of caring, not out of responsibility right? But what if I just don't have the love to care about them? what if I am just so tired and dry to make the phone calls? well, today God reminded me that I cannot always wait for the changes of my heart then step out. Action can also bring out the love!
Therefore, I'll keep caring for them no matter how I feel cos God is always the source of love! =)

This is also applicable in the relationship with God. Even though sometimes I don't love Him, I can still make the decision to establish the relationship with God. "I don't love you Lord! But I'm longing for the passion for the passion for you!" Yeah, love is not a feeling but a decision. When God seems distant and unreachable, I will always say He is AWSOME!!!

You give and take away

2005-05-08T01:02:00.000+10:00

"We are stewards of whatever God gives us."
Last week my mom told me that my cousin and a good friend of my Dad have an rectum cancer. And then one thing bumped into my head,'Yeah, I know everything I have is a gift from God. But how would I react if God take it away? For example, I know that getting into medicine is a miracle. But if I have cancer or some diseases that disrupt my life and all my plans, or somehow God just takes it away, could I feel free to let it go?' To be true, I may not! well, it's such a difficult task to learn isn't it? I am a stweard to take care of whatever God has given me. Yeah, my life is not actually mine but His. However, I often forget that I don't OWN anything, I just take the best care of it that I can. hm...still have SOOOOOO many things to learn and to be changed.
"What do you have that God hasn't given you? And if all you have is from God why boast as though you have accomplished something on your own?" Not having this concept of stewardship is also the source of my pride. So Lord, be ruthless with me in revealing my selfish ambition and my lack of willingness to die to myself! Mould me even if I'm afraid of the uncomfortable process! Cleanse me even if it's so hard to let my sin go!
The closer you've drawn me, the more humble I feel.

Restore the relationship with my family

2005-04-30T00:26:00.000+10:00

Last Sun in the camp, God urged me to restore my relationship with my family. God made me see that the hurt I got from my family and the absence of love, which had great impact on my relationships with other people. In the past, I didn't get the love I seeked from my family. So I seeked love from teachers and friends. That was also the reason why I got hurt from people too because the love i'm seeking for could not be found from them. I always gave so much and burned myself with my own passion. And the person who received my love feels stressed. However, I didn't realise that the root of the problems was buried since young. Yes I want someone who can love me as mom and dad...and of course I failed and failed and hurt. Sometimes I do live in self-pity. But praise God that He made me face the problems!
This Thur, I rang my mom. God put courage in me so I told what I felt in the past and apologized that I used to love ppl around me and ministry more than to love my family first. I apologized that I was judgemental towards my family, which was pride as well. After my sharing, my mom told me she was touched! God seemed has anwsered many of her questions. Praise the LORD!!! I've never been so open to my mom before. But with God's strength, He broked the wall piece by piece. He will keep working in my family!!

Thanksgiving and praises in my heart!

2005-04-12T06:45:00.000+10:00

Dear Lord, I humble myself before you today. Fater, forgive me when I come to you in prayer with my long list that I want you to fulfill. Help me to worship and praise You in my prayers rather than telling You what I want You to do. Even as I go about my day at university, help me to maintain an attitude of praise and worhsip. May I be able to declare and proclaim Your power and Your sovereignty to every person that I meet today.
Lord, You are so amazing! You take care of every creation. All of the materials in my textbook reveal your glory and power! You even take care of bacteria and virus! "Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name."
In Jesus' name, Amen!

EAGLE'S WING

intern log (Gen Med week 6)

Life as an intern

La Masion en Petit Cubes - Part 1

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Help me fix my eyes upon You

God... have mercy on us

還是覺得很難過

As a Christian medical student....

sharing and confidentiality

balance b/w study and church ministry

living out a Christain life

Do they see Jesus in me? Joy Williams

Battle of mind

Purify my heart

self-righteousness

wish list

所以我們不可再彼此論斷，寧可定意，誰也不給弟兄放下絆腳跌人之物

20/03/09 Fri Week 6 of GI

today's patient Mon Week 6 of Gastro block...

視病猶親 視病猶師

台灣的醫療

積極的態度 摘自週報

加油！

God says No

台北市立圖書館電子書

目的是否能為手段辯護？

A sentence that can summerise my conflicts.

台灣的民主自由還存在嗎？

煩

Priority

What is Your will Lord..

弟兄的刺 自己的樑木呢？

Battle of mind

stressed....

使命 責任

我仍要仰望你的聖殿

該做的事

馬太福音廿六47~56

I'm angry/annoyed/frustrated @#($*&@#%&^%*&^

Quoted from "p.s. I love you"

教會 我們不也應該站出來？

串連抗議」人民的哭泣：民主已死，特權當道。

Christians, "we all have weakness" is not an excuse.

神所看重 ＝ 我們的期待？

澳幣又漲了

承受

The response to "the purpose of Tcell forum"

小牧童說故事(274)∼短恨歌 施以諾

對不起

20070730

加油讀論文！！！

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